All in the Game: Please let’s separate football teams and children’s names

Football’s version of the Bayeux Tapestry, the oldest mascot, quote of the week and more

Carine Heum and Kent Roger Solheim named their baby daughter ‘Ynwa’ despite never having been to Anfield. Photo: Andrew Powell/Liverpool FC via Getty Images

Carine Heum and Kent Roger Solheim named their baby daughter ‘Ynwa’ despite never having been to Anfield. Photo: Andrew Powell/Liverpool FC via Getty Images

 

Liverpool fans not kidding with names

The Liverpool Echo had a story last week about a Norwegian couple, Carine Heum and Kent Roger Solheim, who recently had a baby girl. And because Kent is a diehard Liverpool fan he, naturally, tried to persuade Carine to give their daughter a name with a connection to the club. Mo would, surely, have been the obvious choice, or something like Virgileena, but instead they opted for: Ynwa.

Yes, ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’.

“The unusual name – pronounced “Unn-wah” – has prompted a mixed response from friends and family,” the Echo told us, and we didn’t doubt them.

The thing is, if Unn-wah is mortified by her name when she grows up, she’ll have another Norwegian Unn-wah to weep with. Back in 2011 a woman by the name of Eirin Iversen told her local paper that her Liverpool-loving husband had persuaded her to name their daughter Ynwa, and like an eejit, she agreed.

Back then, Christian Moller, chairman of the Norwegian Liverpool supporters club told The Guardian that this class of thing wasn’t unusual at all. “Among others parents to have chosen Liverpool names there was one couple who called their daughter Tia.”

After?

“This is Anfield.”

Tapestry tales: ‘a flobbe most foul’

To mark the news that France will lend the Bayeux Tapestry to Britain, Twitter people Panini Cheapskates (@CheapPanini) decided to ‘add’ some famous footballing moments to the embroidered cloth, as you do, and the results have been most impressive.

There’s Gary Lineker having a poo at Italia 90, there’s Eric Cantona kung-fu-kicking a fan, there’s Diego Maradona’s handball and perhaps most exquisite of all, the moment Frank expectorated in the direction of Rudi’s perm - ‘Rijkaard v Voller: A Flobbe Most Foul’.

The highest of art.

A slightly ... different take on the Bayeux Tapestry.
A slightly ... different take on the Bayeux Tapestry.

A very unlikely mascot

When his pals told him they’d organised a surprise stag do for him ahead of his wedding in Barbados, Nick Goff guessed it was going to be a horse-racing day out at Kempton. Instead they’d paid out for him to have a very special ‘Match Day Experience’ at Brentford. What they didn’t tell the 38-year-old was that he’d been signed up for the ‘Junior Match Day Experience’.

Nick Goff poses on his big day as the Brentford mascot.
Nick Goff poses on his big day as the Brentford mascot.

What did this involve? Well, him dressing up in the Brentford kit and joining “all the other nine-year-old mascots” to lead the players out on to the pitch for the game against Bolton, the club happily cooperating with his pals in the stitch-up.

“Sadly, the Brentford captain didn’t want to hold my hand.”

Wise man.

Louser of the Week

That’d be whoever was running Crewe Alexandra’s Twitter account last Thursday and sent the club’s beleaguered fans in to a tizzy by tweeting…..

“Afternoon #CreweAlex fans...

Some major January Transfer news coming up very shortly....

Guess Who?!?”

Alexis Sanchez? Gareth Bale? Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang? Actually, anybody at all would have given the fans a lift, what with the team currently sitting fifth from bottom of League Two.

So, what was the big transfer window news?

George Cooper, their best player, had left for Peterborough.

We’d give you a flavour of the replies, but there’s only so many times you can press ********** before the key gets stuck.

Quote of the week

“I was on holiday for seven months…. I didn’t know what I was doing there.”

Carlos Tevez reflecting fondly on his year with Shanghai Shenhua in China during which he picked up an alleged €30-ish million for four goals in 20 appearances. The mother of all holidays, that.

By the numbers

22.9: After his latest miss, against Espanyol in the cup, that’s the percentage of penalties Lionel Messi has failed to convert during his career, 24 out of 105. Matt Le Tissier finished his career with a 96.15 per cent success rate. Lionel is, then, almost human.

Word of mouth

“Maybe the voice comes from eating rainworms, because every time we trained, he used to eat rainworms. It was horrible, I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was like: ‘whoops, there’s a rainworm’, and then he ate it. It was a bit disgusting and very strange.” – Soren Andersen suggesting his former Bristol City team-mate Sean Dyche had rather strange dietary habits.

“Yeah, I also smoke exhaust pipes. I have gravel for breakfast.” – Dyche, now the Burnley gaffer, revealing that his dietary habits are even stranger than Soren thinks. (No, wait. “It was a bit of banter I used to have…. you get a nice, big juicy worm hanging out of your mouth. Look as if you’re chewing it and then spit it out, wash your mouth with water. For the record I definitely don’t eat worms and I never did.”)

“When I found that I was coming here [Everton], I had to go there at night just to pick up all my stuff in bin bags.” – Theo Walcott on his less than glamorous departure from Arsenal.

“I think I’d retire – at 22. One season and four titles with City and then the World Cup? That would be enough.”

Leroy Sane on hanging up his boots should Germany win the World Cup and Manchester City collect the Champions League, Premier League, FA Cup and League Cup. Could happen too.

“Take Daniel Radcliffe, who played Harry Potter. So he starts off with the first film, he’s 13 and he gets 150 grand. Do you think he got 150 grand for the second film? He certainly did not. Then the third film comes along and he gets 15 million. Then the fourth film comes along and he’s getting 35 million. No one comes along and says, ‘No, no, no, give him 150,000, that’s what he got for the first film.’ That’s ridiculous. So why should it be different for sportsmen?” – Burnley manager Sean Dyche explaining why Alexis Sanchez’s reported wages at Manchester United are perfectly reasonable.

“Paulo Dybala is a fine player, but last season he was compared to Leo Messi. Let’s not even joke about such things, please.” – Antonio Cassano thinks the Juventus man is good. But not THAT good.

Horse play

Nicklas Bendtner channels his inner Vladimir Putin.
Nicklas Bendtner channels his inner Vladimir Putin.

Guess which footballer celebrated his 29th birthday by posting a Putin-esque photo of himself on Instagram sitting topless on a horse?

(a) Wayne Rooney

(b) Glenn Whelan

or

(c) Nicklas Bendtner

If you chose (a) or (b), go to the back of the classroom.

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