In Praise of: Tim Vine

"I've decided to sell my Hoover . . . well, it was just collecting dust," was the glorious one-liner which earlier this week saw Tim Vine become the first comic to win the funniest joke award at the Edinburgh Fringe twice.

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again,” won him the illustrious award in 2010.

These are just two magic moments in a career full of them. Here are some of the rest of his best, in no particular order.

Crime in multistorey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

Exit signs? They’re on the way out

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I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

So I said to a Scotsman: ‘did you have terrible spots as a kid?’ He said:

“ac ne”.

Black Beauty? Now there’s a dark horse

.

Conjunctivitis

. com - that’s a site for sore eyes.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

“Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.”

His comedy is not to everyone’s taste certainly – and some people might be worn down by his rapid delivery and sometimes excruciating puns after just a couple of minutes – but he is the undisputed king of the one-liner and is always good value for money – unlike Velcro, which is a complete rip-off.