Say wosh? The most-read Ross O’Carroll-Kelly columns of 2017

It’s been a busy year for Ross and his family. We take a look at their most popular antics

“Er, it’s the Vico Road... Do you think anyone around here cleans their own gaff?” Illustration: Alan Clarke

“Er, it’s the Vico Road... Do you think anyone around here cleans their own gaff?” Illustration: Alan Clarke

 

It’s been a busy year for Ross O’Carroll Kelly as he and his extended family continued to amuse us, 20 years after the south Co Dublin character was created by Paul Howard.

Our readers’ favourite Ross column this year saw him pronounce: “I’ve nothing against the Dublin accent...it was invented to allow criminals to talk to each other without the Gords having a clue.”

We dip into the top five to remind you of his outrageousness.

He is meeting to discuss the upcoming marriage of Ronan and Shadden. Ronan is very taken with Corinna, the wedding planner and is caught on camera by the Don’t tell the Bride television crew, getting a large slap across the face for his cheek.

No one is safe from Ross’s scorn. In June, Taoiseach Leo Varadker’s alma mater, King’s Hospital, is deemed to be a second-tier school. “Jesus. No wonder he says it doesn’t matter where you come from,” Ross says.

In the same column Ross asks his Old Man what he and Hennessy are up to. “Important work,” Charles says. “Your godfather and I have been putting our heads together to see if we can’t come up with some way to pay homage to Seán FitzPatrick after his acquittal. No one should be allowed to forget the role Seánie played in making this country great for 11-and-a-little-bit years.”

Charles O'Carroll-Kelly: "Taoisigh used to come from Blackrock, Belvedere or Clongowes. Now, we’re about to have our first openly second-tier-private-school-educated leader." Illustration: Alan Clarke
Charles O'Carroll-Kelly: "Taoisigh used to come from Blackrock, Belvedere or Clongowes. Now, we’re about to have our first openly second-tier-private-school-educated leader." Illustration: Alan Clarke

When Ronan and Shadden arrive home from their honeymoon in Las Vegas, Ross saves the day for Ronan, when some inappropriate photographs from the honeymoon pop up in the holiday snap slideshow. Falling to the floor screaming in feigned pain he distracts Shadden and Sorcha from the stripper on screen kissing Ronan.

A brush with the lady from the HSE in September has Ross confused and the social worker perplexed. Talking at cross purposes he assumes one of his children is in trouble. Etain from the HSE is there to assess his needs following his hip operation. She asks who does the cleaning. And Ross replies, “Er, it’s the Vico Road. Do you think anyone around here cleans their own gaff?”

As a father Ross tries to give Ronan sage advice about marrying Shadden. “You don’t have it in you, Ro, the urge to be unfaithful, yes. And it’s lovely for me to see one of my own qualities reflected back at me in one of my children. But the other skills you need - the ability to handle guilt, the ability to look someone you love straight in the eye and lie to them without your hort quickening a beat.” Sage advice from a serial philander.

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