When Patrick O’Sullivan disappeared without a trace in 1992, his family feared what might have happened to him.
The man from Lombardstown, Co Cork, was much loved by his late parents and six siblings, but unfortunately it was a very different time in Ireland and he went missing 34 years ago, his family believes, because of his sexuality.
They knew he was gay, but it “wasn’t condoned or even spoken about”, his brother Jerry said.
Patrick “Patsy” O’Sullivan disappeared without a trace just after he visited his family home on Easter Monday in 1992.
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He never contacted his family again.
They received a call from gardaí in August this year, who told them that Patsy went on to have a life “full of joy” in the UK, marrying his partner and retraining as an auxiliary nurse.
The chef, who was 35 years old at the time, was due to return from his job in Kerry for a christening.
His older brother Jerry said it wasn’t easy for Patsy to grow up gay in the Ireland of the 1970s and 1980s.
“I was afraid something had happened to him back then [when he went missing] because of his sexuality. Because I remember what happened to me for being a brother of him. I can’t imagine what he went through himself.
“In the 80s and early 1990s that [being gay] wasn’t condoned or even spoken about. It was different times. The church was different. The older people were a very different generation than what they are now.”
Jerry said Patsy was much loved but circumstances were very difficult.
“I came up with the old generation. My father would have been very strict. They [his parents] knew [Patsy was gay] but it was never spoken about. My mother didn’t have an issue with it but my father would have. But him being gay was never spoken about.”
Patsy went to the UK in 1992 with “nothing” and experienced hard times, before receiving help from a nun called Sr Bridget Anne.
Life improved for him and in 1994 he met his lifelong partner. Jerry had a heartening hour-long phone call with a niece of Patsy’s partner in the UK on Tuesday.
“It gave me so much solace to what kind of life he had and the enjoyment he had in his life. He had been with his partner since 1994 and he changed his name [to Aldridge] in 1995.”
He and his partner were married by a priest who knew them very well and Patsy changed his surname in 1995 to take the name of his partner.
“I can’t think as to what he had to go through as he had to start a life all over again and leave six siblings and his parents behind him. And to never turn back and speak to anyone again. That must have been horrendous for him.
“I can only imagine what he went through. I can take a lot of comfort from what I am after being told today.”
Jerry was told that Patsy never forgot his Irish roots.
“He never lost his Cork accent and always carried a green, white and gold flag. He always drank from an Irish mug. He drank about 15 cups of tea a day which we do to this present moment. It is a big thing in our family. He was a very proud Irishman and never lost any part of that.”
He went on to train as an auxiliary nurse and Jerry said he was always “on the caring side as a person”.
His partner died in 2022 and his niece calls Patsy her uncle.
The O’Sullivan family never gave up looking for Patsy. Jerry and his brother Eugene made an appeal for information as recently as two years ago on RTÉ’s Crimecall.
Heartbreakingly, it has emerged that Patsy was living just over an hour away from a brother who died in the UK last year.
“I used to go over to my brother in the UK eight or ten times a year. I was very close to my eldest brother. And Patsy was only an hour up the road. That is a killer.”
Patsy died of sepsis two years ago and his ashes were spread alongside the ashes of his late partner in a place that meant a lot to them in London.
Jerry plans to put a memory box together for Patsy. He also intends to put his name on a headstone in order to give him the closure that he deserves in his native country.
The case was investigated by gardaí when Patsy went missing. Jerry says that in recent years Garda PJ Roche and his team left no stone unturned in order to find out what happened to him.
“Since 2015 checks were done with DNA, Interpol, Canada, Australia, America, New Zealand, England, Scotland and Wales. Everything came back a blank even down to the John Does who were dead and buried and had no name. It was looking bleak.”
He was astonished when he found out what had happened to him. He plans to travel there next month to speak to people who knew him.
“I am going to meet as many people and get as many stories as I can. I believe Patsy started looking very like our brother Eugene [as he got older].”
He cherishes his memories of his wonderful brother and adds he hopes that people who go missing realise that they can always go home.
