It’s gas what our athletes do to us. Rhys McClenaghan made us all authorities on the pommel horse, hairdressers no longer asking us if we’d be going anywhere nice on our holidays, instead seeking our thoughts on the Scissors, Spindles and Stockli Flops. “Jesus, there’s nothing I love more than a Stockli Flop.”
And now, thanks to Kate O’Connor, there is nothing we don’t know about the pentathlon, the coiffeuse in Hairway to Heaven wondering if she could beat her Irish record of 4,781 points at the World Indoor Championships in Poland. “I’ve a feeling she’ll have a PB in the shot put, there’s deffo room for improvement there technique-wise.”
She wasn’t wrong. O’Connor chucked a lifetime best of 14.70m. The long jump, though, started iffily, an X beside her name after her first attempt, which we took as a bad thing. “She doesn’t want to end up with a third eyeballs effort,” our commentator said as she wound up for her second try. No, no clue either.
Luckily, Virgin Media had Will Dalton on duty to translate for us. The gist: O’Connor could win gold, silver, bronze or nothing at all after the final event, the 800m.
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That O’Connor wore a bit of a “meh” expression after taking bronze was a fair indication of the loftiness of her own demands on herself after last year’s rather wondrous exploits. But she’ll have to forgive us for giving another pentathlon medal a hug. We remain in largely uncharted but very tremendous athletics territory.
If all eyes were on O’Connor over the weekend then you couldn’t keep them off Cuán Ó Flatharta either when he was placed in TG4’s An Mol Teilifís on Saturday, its TV Hub resembling an air traffic control centre with more televisions than you’d see in Power City. It was a bit like TG4’s version of Gogglebox.
While Micheál Ó Domhnaill and his panel of Cathal Moore and Cathal King were located in the Gaelic Grounds for the clash of Limerick and Galway, Cuán was tasked with updating us on the major happenings in the rest of the Division 1A games. Granted, there were only two others, but they featured 11 goals and 97 points, so Cuán could bid adieu to any hope of a comfort break during the evening.
A good chunk of that tally was scored in Páirc Uí Chaoimh, with Cork going slightly rampant on poor old Offaly. Five of their goals came in the space of 15-ish minutes, which meant there was steam coming out of the points difference column in TG4’s “As it Stands” table and Cuán was spending no end of time transporting us from Limerick to the Banks.
D’you know? Maybe we don’t appreciate TG4 and their workload enough.
They also took time on Sunday, come the conclusion of the group phase of the football league, to pay tribute to Michael Lyster. News of his death pierced the day’s sporting viewing and filled it with no end of sadness.
“It’s heartbreaking, it’s hard to put in to words,” Galway football manager Pádraic Joyce said to Ó Domhnaill after his side saw off Dublin in Salthill and condemned them to relegation. Lyster would have struggled to stifle a smile.
“He’s from Barnaderg, where I am from,” Joyce said, reluctant to use the past tense. “My heart goes out to his wife and kids. A remarkable fella, he brought so much joy to every household every Sunday.”
Lyster did, too. And we probably saw more of him through our summers than we did our own families. All the while his chief task was to attempt to control Colm O’Rourke, Pat Spillane and the other fella. It was a bit like Bill O’Herlihy when he had to manage the Dunph and the gang. “Ah God, you can’t say that.” Lyster could relate.
On Lyster’s retirement in 2018, he was big enough to say sorry. “I am actually responsible for Joe [Brolly] and Pat ending up being pundits on The Sunday Game, so I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the nation for all the grief and suffering over the last 20 years.”
We forgave him. May he rest in peace.
