HASBRO, THE maker of Monopoly, is to create a Belfast version of the popular board game in time for Christmas. In Belfast yesterday, its representatives were canvassing the public for what city roads and landmarks should be on the game. Is this wise?
The Monopoly PR people, to drum up some publicity, floated a suggestion that the "Go to Jail" spot should be replaced with "Go to Dublin". That probably passes for hilarious if you're sitting in a marketing office in London.
But in Belfast, in Northern Ireland, maybe it's not so clever.
In my Dublin version of the game, the cheapest roads to buy are Crumlin and Kimmage while at the top end of the market you have Shrewsbury Road and Ailesbury Road. Now the good people of Crumlin and Shrewsbury Road might have their own personal views about this social stratification, but that board game dates back to the 1960s and people probably have got over their annoyance by now.
But, say, the equivalent of Crumlin and Kimmage should be the Falls Road and the Shankill Road (not that The Irish Times is in any way advocating such a measure). Now that could cause problems. People up here are more vocal about such class stereotyping. There are 97 equality and human rights Acts that deal with that sort of thing. It could end up in Europe. Hasbro might have to pay out millions.
And worse, it's a changed world here but there are still fellows, whose fashion line tends towards tinted glasses and balaclavas, who just might visit the Hasbro offices. That wouldn't do.
And what would be the Belfast stand-in for Shrewsbury Road and Ailesbury Road? Well, obviously, Malone Road and Malone Park, where the doctors, psychiatrists, lawyers and accountants live in their £5million homes.
But this could cause grave upset to the judges, doctors, psychiatrists, lawyers and accountants of Cultra. There could be a judicial review.
And aren't there roads colour-coded orange and green on the board. Imagine if the Monopoly makers stuck the loyalist Tigers Bay in the green section and the nationalist Ardoyne in the orange section. It hardly bears thinking about.
Somebody should talk to the Monopoly people in London. They should tell them that Northern Ireland has rather an unhealthy obsession with roads.They should tell them about the right to walk the Queen's highway, about traditional routes, about January, February, march, march, march, about the Garvaghy Road, about Drumcree, about . . . This could set back the peace process. It's all very alarming.