First Encounters: Brian Whiteside and Brian Mooney

Brian Whiteside has been director of ceremonies for the Humanist Association of Ireland since 2002, when he ‘sold out of business’ and retired early. A Dubliner, he lives in Glenageary with his wife, Brenda

I met Brian in 1987. We were living in Cabinteeley, in a small cul-de-sac, and a new family, with two little girls, moved in towards the end of the year. Their Yvette became friendly with our Amy. Around Christmas I was looking for Amy and rang Brian’s doorbell. He answered and said, “you’re Amy’s father, come in and have a drink”. And that began a great friendship. Serendipity throwing us together, I suppose.

We were giving a party next night and invited Brian and Kay. They were the last to leave and by then we'd discovered lots of things in common. A few years later, when they moved house and we moved house, we began going on holidays together to France, Italy, Morocco, in a car across the Egyptian desert. The friendship blossomed further.

We’ve lots in common but are very different. Brian is a private person, I’m a bit shouty. We share a creativity (Brian is a very good artist), a sense of fun and a worldview. I’m a Humanist and he is too though we don’t discuss Humanist philosophy very much; we know what it’s about. I’m an activist and he’s not, but is encouraging. We have a sense of humour and madness in common too: on holiday we keep a “mad diary”, recording silly, crazy things, nothing at all to do with sights we’ve seen. Philosophically, culturally – we’re friends under so many headings, because of things we don’t like and disapprove of too. Neither of us is a one for sports; we both hate the idea of being in a pub watching TV.

Sadly, Brian’s wife, Kay, became ill and in January 2013 she died. As a Humanist celebrant I had the great honour of conducting her funeral.

I also had the honour of conducting the marriages of Brian’s daughters, Yvette and Ruth, both of whom opted for Humanist weddings. Yvette was married in Florence, in a lovely old castle. Ruth got married from Ballyvolane House in Co Cork; out of doors in the trees, which were almost a natural cathedral. Brian and I stayed up until 4am, neither wanting to admit defeat and end the night.

We support one another in life. He’s the one I would phone if I needed to talk about something. We go for long walks together. We’re going to Bucharest soon, and even bringing a third person along. We share a liking for music in that we both play the piano badly, by ear. We also enjoy singing: Brian has an interesting way of warbling.

Brian, literally, wouldn’t hurt a fly. He respects nature more than anyone I know. He’s a sensitive, deep- thinking, humorous person. I’m lucky to have him as a friend.

Brian Mooney an inventive mechanical engineer born in Terenure, Dublin, has been a Humanist since his early teens and a member of the Humanist Association of Ireland for the past four years. He lives on 'the Monkstown side' of Dún Laoghaire

When we met I saw a fellow maverick in Briain Brian, he’s a one off. He’s a very upbeat sort of guy, very exuberant. It’s always great to meet him. He’s got a great sense of humour and fun. I’ve never been bored in his company and have known him nearly 28 years.

I’ve been a Humanist since I was 13 or 14 which was isolating then, though we discussed things at home. I thought I’d discovered truths no one else had! I’m not a joiner but did become a member of the Humanist Association of Ireland a few years ago. I definitely wouldn’t have joined if Brian wasn’t a member. I’m not good about attending meetings but we do go to the Summer School together. You meet strange and wonderful people there.

Brian wasn't a Humanist when I first met him. In broad terms humanism is philosophical; our moral sense would be the same and we're both rationalists. Brian comes from a Church of Ireland background, mine was Catholic.

I’ve recently been widowed and Brian and his family have been particularly supportive since Kay died. We had great joy followed by great tragedy when my daughter Ruth’s marriage was followed within a month by Kay’s funeral. Brian did the funeral too, of course. Kay and I had a great marriage, never a row in 43 years together. Brian shared a lot with us; our wives got on, we were all good friends and went on interesting holidays together. I feel a part of the Whiteside family.

I’ve no interest in sports and nor has Brian so that’s another thing in common. I don’t want to sound pompous but neither of us watches a lot of TV either. He’s interested in art, as I am. I’m an amateur stonecutter, having moved on from wood. I read a lot but not novels, as Brian does. We get together twice a week on average, once for a walk and to discuss the problems of the world and once for a social activity, with a glass or two of red wine.

I’m an inventive mechanical engineer, specialising in patenting and intellectual property rights; there’s a sort of creative engineering involved, plus research. I combine legal, research and practical knowledge and am probably the only person in Ireland doing what I do. I never use the term inventor, as one of my daughters does. I’m wary of being thought of as an eccentric, or a mad professor.

Brian and I are off on holiday soon to Bucharest, bringing a third party with us. We will probably be the only tourists there at this time of year. It’ll be different; we don’t want to be sitting over a candle eating dinner. We want to sit in a workers’ canteen.