A woman who said she is “terrified” to sleep in the same bed as her husband because he is “threatening to rape me”, has got a one-year barring order against him.
“He says it is not rape because I am his wife,” the woman told the emergency domestic violence court at Dolphin House in Dublin on Friday.
The woman and man, Judge Gerard Furlong heard, are married more than 20 years and have two adult children.
The woman said she suffered numerous incidents of violence, or threats of violence, during their marriage and twice fled with their then-young children to women’s refuges.
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After she previously secured a barring order, they separated but later reconciled for a time.
They have not been intimate for about 18 months, she said. She sleeps in one bedroom of their two-bedroom apartment, their children are in the other, and he sleeps on a couch.
Her husband was verbally abusive to her, including calling her a “prostitute” and “shit” in front of their sons, she said. When she told him to stop, he said he wanted their sons “to see this is what women are”.
She obtained a protection order on an ex parte basis – where only one side is represented in court – against him last June. He later got a protection order ex parte against her, which was due back before the court in November.
When her order came back before the court on September 24th, the man was not present because he had been arrested the previous day for allegedly breaching her order.
The woman said she came home from work exhausted on September 23rd, her husband was in her bed, refused to leave when asked and shouted and screamed, telling her she could not tell him what to do. She was terrified, feared being in the same bed as him and called gardaí.
On September 24th, she received an interim barring order ex parte, and when it was returned before the judge on Friday, her lawyer sought a full barring order.
The man, representing himself, denied he was angry and aggressive on September 23rd and denied making threats or comments about their intimate relations. He believed his wife said that “to get rid of me from the house”.
He came home that day after work very tired, with back pain, and went to the bedroom to rest, which he regularly did when his wife was not in the house, he said.
There was physical violence in the past between them, involving them both abusing each other, he said. She hit her head on the wall and suffered swelling after he pushed her, he said. He did not see a future for them. “I do not want anything to do with her any more.”
The judge said that if it were not for the past history between the couple, a safety order might be sufficient to address the present situation. However, because of the history, he would grant a one-year barring order.
In a separate case on Friday, a young mother who alleged her child’s father assaulted her several times, including kicking, punching and dragging her on the ground, was granted a protection order.
On one occasion, he punched her and “left damage on my eye the size of a tennis ball”.
She had ended their short relationship, but when she found out she was pregnant, she resumed it “because I thought it was the right thing to do”. After he broke her nose, she left him.
She has tried to bring the baby to him for access visits, but he continues to be violent to her, she said.
She lives in homeless accommodation but has support from some family members, she said. She continues to get constant threatening messages that she and her family will be killed, she will be stabbed and burned alive, she said.
She sought to bring criminal charges against him but gardaí were “just not being nice about it” and suggested she get a protection order, she said.
Granting the protection order, the judge asked her to return to gardaí and tell them she wished to press charges. “These are serious threats to kill, gardaí should pursue them,” he said.
He also told her a position may have been reached where she should refuse access “for everybody’s safety”.
In another separate case, an elderly woman obtained a protection order against her adult son, who is in his 50s. He lived with her up to about three years ago; she does not know where he lives now, but he is harassing her for money. She felt intimidated and feared for her safety.
