“Are they human or are they Leinster?” asked Jacqui Hurley when she welcomed us to the Aviva Stadium on Saturday, quoting that quirky little tune that’s being doing the rounds. By full-time came the realisation that, well, they’re a bit of both.
As part of a research project into the Leinster faithful‘s confidence levels ahead of their Champions Cup semi-final, this couch checked the availability and pricing of early morning flights from Dublin to Cardiff on May 24th. They were either sold out or cost roughly about the price of a two-bed duplex with an A BER rating in south Dublin.
Our RTÉ panel attempted to be more cautious, none of them dismissing Northampton’s chances of springing a surprise, but when Jacqui suggested that “it would feel catastrophic if Leinster didn’t win today”, Fiona Coghlan, Jamie Heaslip and Donal Lenihan all nodded violently.
“Leinster have 358 caps on their bench, Northampton have 115 in their whole 23,” Donal told us, just to emphasise the experience contrast. While he stopped short of suggesting that Jordie Barrett, Andrew Porter, Jack Conan, Rabah Slimani, Rónan Kelleher, Ryan Baird, Luke McGrath and Ross Byrne could beat the Northampton starting XV all by themselves, you’d a notion he was thinking it.
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And when Miles Harrison, over on Premier Sports, ran his eye over Leinster’s list of replacements, all he could conclude was that “it’s just silly”, reckoning that Barrett must have been “the superest sub this competition has ever seen”.
So, that was the scene set, none of our pundits on either channel – Lawrence Dallaglio, Rob Kearney and Pat Lam making up the Premier Sports crew – forecasting anything but a home win.
Thereafter? Well, mad and quite glorious stuff, really, “one of the most incredible games I’ve ever seen”, as Donal put it. And, alas, “an absolute disaster for Leinster”.
It was too, Tommy Freeman and Henry Pollock among their chief tormentors, the pair helping put Northampton 27-15 up at half-time. “It has not gone quite as you might have expected,” said Jacqui, with Fiona, Jamie and Donal all shaking their heads violently.
Pollock’s 28th-minute try, when he tiptoed his way past Sam Prendergast, had Jamie lost in his analogy quest. “He made Sam look like, like . . . like a slug or a snail, something incredibly slow . . . the gas from the fella is ridiculous.”
[ Tommy Freeman overcomes adversity to become a standout Northampton Saints playerOpens in new window ]
The second half? Ah here. The gas from Northampton was ridiculous. Until that last moment when Ross Byrne scored the winning try for Leinster. Except he didn’t. The wait for officialdom to rule on the moment? Interminable. “One of the most bizarre finishes you’d ever see,” said Bernard Jackman. Please send your explanations to mystifiedbytherulesofrugby@irishtimes.com. Thanks.
Come full-time? The price of the last remaining Dublin to Cardiff flights were tumbling, those trying to flog ones already purchased discovering that the name-change fee would buy a three-bed duplex with an A++ BER rating in south Dublin.
Our panels? Stumped. “Leinster didn’t turn up like a team that wanted to win the match and get to the final,” said Rob, which you’d imagine wasn’t actually true, Jacqui’s description of Northampton’s display as “a performance for the ages” probably closer to the mark.
Freeman was tremendous, Pollock was too. “What’s he like?” Jamie asked Northampton’s Alex Mitchell when he joined the panel pitchside for a chat. “He’s quality,” he said, “although he can, sometimes, be a bit of a knob”. As tributes go, that was touching.
[ Leinster continue to find new ways to lose big gamesOpens in new window ]
If Leinster captain Caelan Doris thought his day couldn’t get any tougher, he still had to talk to Clare MacNamara. “But there’s always the URC,” she didn’t say. “Your season now is, I suppose, in tatters,” she suggested. “How gutting is this defeat, given the resources you had this year and adding those big-name players?” Caelan’s sad eyes never looked sadder.
“How many times can you say I’m disappointed, I’m gutted, I’m in pain,” said Premier Sports’ Martin Bayfield, although, in fairness, Leinster captains should be well practised in the art at this stage.
Northampton v Bordeaux it is then in the final, a contest that will warm the hearts of Leinster-loving, Cardiff-flight-owning folk much like a home with a G BER rating will toast your toes. They’ve discovered, once more, that their team is only human.
