Dáil Sketch Miriam LordSéamus Brennan must have thought he struck pay dirt when he landed the plum job of Minister for Football, Fillums and Festivals (must be prepared to travel). There's the rugby in France coming up, for example.
And at any given time, somewhere in the world, there is a vastly overfunded cultural exhibition with an Irish pavilion, crying out for a ministerial visit.
As for Tourism - that's a very broad church. From drinking pints of stout in Clarinbridge to fact-finding missions in Fiji aimed at improving standards in the luxury hotel spa sector.
Poor Séamus. Arts, Sport and Tourism is a tough portfolio. The lucky divil.
We met him yesterday afternoon on his way into the Dáil.
Been anywhere exotic lately? No.
Just back from Wimbledon, perhaps? No.
Going out for dinner with Bono tonight? No.
Not even Twink? No.
Nobody believes Ministers for Football and Fillums when they swear they haven't seen a decent movie in ages, or wish they could attend as many sporting fixtures as Bertie Ahern.
Right enough, it's only early days. But Minister Brennan hasn't been at any decent bun fights since he got the new job. (Remember Michael D? When he was Arts Minister, he was over in Hollywood so often the Americans wanted to adopt him. Pee Diddy loved him. Brando called him a brother.) And here's Séamus, over a month in charge at the Department of Fun, and still waiting for his first big gig. It happened yesterday, at long last. But fun it was not.
Minister Brennan had to go into the Dáil in the afternoon and talk about a 150-year-old staircase that collapsed in the Natural History Museum, injuring around a dozen primary school teachers.
Hurt teachers? Former education minister Brennan thought he left those days behind when he departed Marlborough Street in 1993.
Although he will have been pleased to hear that the unlucky people involved yesterday did not suffer life-threatening injuries.
As he went through the revolving doors into Leinster House, you could see he never thought it was going to be like this.
Trudging disconsolately towards the chamber, Séamus had a puzzled "this ain't showbiz" expression on his face.
What a cruel way for him to end the Dáil term. It can only get better for him. At least he retained his seat and ministerial Merc after the election.
Speaking of natural history museums, the Senate elections are in full swing. Senators who weren't out around the country plying councillors with whiskey and cake yesterday were tearing around the corridors, seeking out possible votes.
They provided a stark contrast to the TDs, already home and dry, and slouching around the place on the last day before the summer recess.
The Taoiseach bailed out on Tuesday. Labour leader Pat Rabbitte is still grumbling about this. He told the Dáil the Taoiseach absented himself on one of the rare opportunities he is accountable to the House, in order to attend a trade unions' conference that is running for most of the week.
"I know for a fact that Mr Ahern would have been accommodated at any time in those four days," snorted Pat, remarking that Bertie managed to get back to Dublin in time for a photo-opportunity with two Seanad candidates.
The Taoiseach, by his actions, showed disrespect to the Dáil. Another example of this, he said, was the fact that the House was rising without appointing committees. Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny was also annoyed about that.
He proposed that the Dáil return for business on September 11th, two weeks earlier than planned. This would get the important work of the committees under way a little quicker.
Naturally, the motion was lost. The traditional Opposition end of term request for shorter holidays is a quaint Dáil tradition that never gets anywhere. Although this year, without any committees in session, TDs will find it very difficult to justify their 11-week break.
At least the Ministers can argue they are working on, only taking a break in August.
Mary Hanafin is the one we feel most sorry for. She'll have to find a way to occupy her boys over the holiday period.
It is not widely known, but Education Minister Hanafin has her hands full with five junior ministers in her department to keep an eye on. Think Eileen Reid and the Cadets. Or Gladys Knight and the Pips, and you get the picture.
Her five boys are Séan Haughey, Jimmy Devins, Michael Aherne, Brendan Smith and Conor Lenihan. Maybe she'll be able to get them into a summer project, or pack them off to the Gaeltacht. Although Conor would probably get sent home.
Perhaps the Minister for Football and Fillums will find something for them to do, so Mary can get away for some quality time on her own.