Question
My 13-year-old son was diagnosed with dyslexia in primary school. He had a great sixth-class teacher who was familiar with dyslexia and provided him with a lot of support.
Now, he is in the first year of secondary school and is struggling a bit. I think he finds the multiple classes and teachers difficult and can be very disorganised. I also wonder if he has other things going on for him, other than dyslexia. My sister’s son who is the same age just got diagnosed with ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) which got me thinking. He also can be quite obsessive and can fly off the handle if things change or don’t go the way he expected – we are having a lot more conflict with him.
I am now wondering whether we should try to get him another assessment or whether some of what I am dealing with is just being a teenager.
When I mentioned an assessment to him, he got angry and said there was nothing wrong with him – even though I thought he enjoyed meeting the psychologist for the dyslexia assessment when he was younger.
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Answer
Neurodivergent conditions overlap a great deal and it is more common than not for children diagnosed with one condition to have traits of several others. For example, between 30 and 50 per cent of children diagnosed with dyslexia may also meet criteria for a diagnosis of ADHD. For autism the overlap rates are between 5 and 15 per cent.
The truth is that children are all individuals and come with their own unique neurotype and personality traits. Rarely does a single diagnosis describe the full range of an individual child’s needs and experiences. To help your child as a parent, the goal is to build a compassionate understanding of their abilities and challenges as well as their strengths and sensitivities. This way you can best advocate for what they need in school and their life. In the long term you want to help them to compassionately understand themselves and learn how to self- advocate for what they need in the world.
Should you get another assessment?
A quality professional assessment can be part of the process helping you understand your son’s abilities and in identifying what he needs to progress in school. In addition, medical treatments and some education services are dependent on getting an assessment (eg medication for ADHD). It sounds like you have already had a good experience of the dyslexia assessment which led to better support in school. However, there can also be challenges to seeking assessment, such as high costs, long waiting lists and the possibility of the assessment process missing some of the child’s needs.
Also, as a teenager if your son is not “on board” with the assessment, then it is unlikely to be helpful. In these situations, it is worth taking time to talk through the issues with him, exploring his fears and what he wants. Ideally, you want it to be his decision to seek support and assessment.
[ ‘My 15-year-old son hates going to school and is not doing any homework’Opens in new window ]
Remember that given your son has dyslexia you can still seek additional support from the school without your son necessarily having an additional diagnosis. You could approach the year head and discuss his learning needs related to his dyslexia and also mention his attention and organisational needs for which he also needs support. Check out the school’s policy on supporting children with additional need and see what advice they can provide on accessing resources and assessment.
Talking to your son
The most important thing to do is to listen to your son and get on his side. You are quite right that entering the teenage years and starting in the first year of secondary school adds lots of extra stress. He is likely to be dealing with lots of changes, feeling academic and social pressures while being acutely self-conscious and wondering how to fit in. Neurodivergent children can experience additional challenges during the teenage years when their different needs might be heightened. Often they receive negative messages that “something is wrong with them” and they can wonder, “Why can’t I cope/learn like everyone else?”
As you listen, encourage him to talk about his worries and feelings. Take steps to counteract negative messages and explain that “everyone learns differently” or that “school can harder for some children when it does not match how they learn”. You can also talk positively about the strengths of being dyslexic and thinking differently.
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You may have done this already but it can be useful to talk about other role models or family members who might be dyslexic or neurodivergent. If appropriate, you could talk about his cousin’s needs and ADHD assessment to help him feel better (though do check with your sister that you have permission). This could open a good discussion about his needs too.
You can frame going for an assessment not as a process to find out what is wrong with him but as part of a journey of discovery to help him understand his needs, how he learns and what his strengths are.
- John Sharry is clinical director of the Parents Plus Charity and an adjunct professor at the UCD School of Psychology. He is delivering a course on Parenting Exceptional Children in March, 2025. See solutiontalk.ie
