‘If I hadn’t a pal to distract me from the monotony of running, then Albert Square was going to have to do’

“What are you doing?” one of my younger children asked me, looking at me quizzically as though my behaviour was in some way out of the ordinary. “Getting fit,” I replied as I continued to jog up and down on the spot while watching classic EastEnders, wishing I, at the very least, owned a pair of proper runners.

“These are the lengths a mother has to go to when she has decided she wants to improve her fitness,” I had told myself, knowing I was starting from a bar set low. It’s not that I’m necessarily exercise averse, you understand, more that I have a very low boredom threshold. And if I hadn’t the company of a pal to distract me from the monotony of running, then Albert Square was going to have to do the trick.

But God, cool as I tell my children I look in them, my Adidas sambas don’t offer much by the way of shock absorbency, so I really must invest in proper runners if I’m going to keep it up.

Anyway, I’ll have to find the time … After weeks of planning and trying to co-ordinate and juggle the million and one things that we needed to juggle, just to have the briefest of walks with a friend of mine, we settled on this Friday

Though I don’t plan to keep it up.

I am that deeply suspect Irish creature, a mother of an only child. It was by choice

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‘Again, my pesky children failed to tell tales on their friends to their parents’

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Age checks for social media aimed at protecting primary schoolchildren are ‘broken’, says Norma Foley

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I took the ‘easy way out’ and gave birth by Caesarean. And yes, it was easier

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I plan to take on a proper exercise regime, once I can find one that interests me enough. Maybe with a friend, so I don’t get lonely. Or have the opportunity to go through the millions of things that will race through my head. Things that I should be doing rather than indulging my latest whim, exercise, which I hope will become more than that. But has anyone really got time for it to become more than that if they have more than one child playing team sports?

Anyway, I’ll have to find the time. That should be fun. After weeks of planning and trying to co-ordinate and juggle the million and one things that we needed to juggle, just to have the briefest of walks with a friend of mine, we settled on this Friday. You know, International Women’s Day. The day the corporate world typically celebrates women who smash glass ceilings or already have public platforms or maybe even newspaper columns. Not the ordinary woman. The cogs of society. Not those with less impressive titles, job or otherwise.

God, no. Sure where’s the achievement and example in that?

I did ask, out of curiosity, some of those societal cogs what they thought of International Women’s Day. “Eh, not much. It’s just another day,” one replied. “A pain in the arse,” another declared it to be, passionately. “The school is closed because of the referendum. So now I’m going to need another day off work.”

In fairness, they really didn’t think this one through. Referendums on issues that are primarily relevant to women, held on International Women’s Day, meaning schools that are polling stations will have to close, creating an issue primarily for, you guessed it — women.

Thankfully, there were no witnesses. And then I lay on the floor and did some leg lifts. I think I might need a hip replacement now

You couldn’t make this stuff up.

Anyway, I must cancel that walk. And all my work plans.

I’m lasting longer in my jogging on-the-spot episodes, these days. It’s hard to tell if that’s because my fitness is improving, or because the storylines are becoming more intriguing. Either way, I’m thinking of introducing some tins of beans into the mix. Just to shake it up a bit. I tried to do the plank the other day. Thankfully, there were no witnesses. And then I lay on the floor and did some leg lifts. I think I might need a hip replacement now.

It’s no craic, though. And I’m not sure it even counts as self-care. Especially seeing as I don’t own a proper pair of runners. Or a pair of tracksuit bottoms. Or leggings. But I do want to get fit. “Get out for a walk and listen to podcasts”, some other mothers suggested to me when I looked for motivation. I think I’d rather do something which involves company. Or dancing.

But it’s trying to find some free time too, you see. Because my children play team sports

I won’t be taking up sea swimming, because the water looks freezing. Also, I can’t swim. I’d like to learn. I’ve spent 15 years, and counting, taking various children to swimming lessons each week. The changing rooms are a special kind of torture, but it’s important to me they learn this vital life skill.

Oh, the irony of it.

Anyway, I need and am determined to find an activity that will help me get fit and stronger. One that doesn’t revolve around the Queen Vic. So, I’m going to buy some proper runners. But it’s trying to find some free time too, you see. Because my children play team sports.