Festival Fit

DID YOU KNOW that Fanta can provide relief from nettle stings when doc leaves can’t be found? That overexposure to Buckfast can cause outbreaks of stigmata? That at 7am in a field, pretty much anyone can pass for an undercover garda?

This festivaling is as educational as it is enjoyable. I’m compiling a list of top festival tips at the moment and I’ve got some peaches. Turns out Axl Rose doesn’t like people throwing things. Festival Tip 23: Throw things at Axl Rose, he’s a tool.

And ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2012, if I could offer you only one piece of advice for your festival future, it would be this: hover! It’s a portaloo thing.

Last weekend I was playing drums with King Kong Company at Life Festival in Co Westmeath, so in the spirit of balance and fairness, I will refrain from telling you how amazing we were (even though we rocked) and instead talk about the other acts who weren’t too bad either.

If you’ve been knocking around festivals for the past couple of years you may have been lucky enough to encounter Torann Drummers, a tribe of half-mad buachaills lamping the bejangles out of an array of weapons of mass percussion. They will be in a field near you soon. Just follow the thump, cheering and whistling. You won’t be disappointed.

Life Festival puts itself forward as the premiere electronic music festival in the country, and although scaled down somewhat this year, it still managed to pull a decent crowd of revellers who came to worship at the high altar of hedonism. Ace Ventura, Jamie Jones and Ben Klock stood out, playing storming sets. The Neutronix stage deserves a mention, you should have seen this thing. It was like crawling inside an acid casualty’s retina while they’re trying to figure out a hidden-image stereogram poster. Pretty cool.

IT’S A LIFE-OR-DEATH THING

After being full of the joys of Life, I ended up like death warmed up on Sunday. A sunny afternoon in Merrion Square at the Dublin City Festival of Soul picnic was just what the doctor ordered. The Godfather of Soul must have some pull up above, because this was the perfect day and perfect setting for some soulful sounds.

SIX OF THE BEST

I remember a time when bank holiday weekends were an oasis of calm and relaxation, a chance to kick back and chill, with an extra bonus round of recuperation on Monday to bring you gently back to reality. Now I approach them in a frenzy, FOMOing at the mouth (Fear Of Missing Out – only figured that one out on Tuesday). There are more than 30 festivals on this weekend. My mission is to attend six.

There’ll be Cats Laughing in Kilkenny all weekend. Although I’ve attended more times than cats have lives, I can’t resist a good laugh and this shindig always produces the goods.

Wait for this one: I’ll be saddling up and hitting the trail for a Cowboy Festival in Cahersiveen on Friday. Weather gal Evelyn Cusack will be cracking the whip to start the stampede (truth be told, I have a hankering to see Evelyn in boots and spurs). While in the vicinity, I’ll pop over to Listowel for a line or two at Writers’ Week. A line or two of text!

The wagon trail then heads north, striking out for the homes of Donegal. The Rory Gallagher Festival in Ballyshannon has been on the radar for a few years, and if

I don’t make it this year I never will. There’s also the Melting Pot Festival in Ardara, just to keep me on my toes.

On the way back down south on Monday, everything going according to plan, I’ll swing by Kilmainham for a bite of some Forbidden Fruit (the tastiest- looking festival of the weekend) and a little bop to Beirut. Simples!

Safe travels, don’t die.