What a shapeless mess

Cyprus 5, Ireland 2: This may have been his side's best ever win but Angelos Anastasiadis is not a man to break out the smiles lightly. The home side's coach addressed the post-match conference at the GSP stadium in Nicosia on Saturday night in the sort of funereal tones routinely employed by professional comics, and when he told us "it's a pleasure for everybody to watch a game such as this", it was hard to avoid the conclusion that, despite appearances, he really was having a laugh.

Though the home supporters were understandably ecstatic after watching an almost farcical contest in which their side grew increasingly dominant and actually should have won by more, the 2,000 or so Irish supporters who took a five hour flight to witness the game were justifiably both angry and astonished by the shapeless mess that answered to the description of Ireland.

The players' embarrassment at having been involved in what was probably the worst ever performance turned in by a full Irish side was entirely evident as the majority avoided the waiting media. But their manager couldn't avoid an encounter with a press corps who had passed the time while waiting for him by poring over the record books for something quite as miserable as this. There was nothing to compare really, and while Steve Staunton conceded the performance wasn't good enough, he said little or nothing to counter the feeling that neither is he.

Previous hidings involved either cobbled-together sides based on League of Ireland players, vastly superior opposition or a combination of the two. A hint of the scale of the humiliation here is that when asked whether this was the first time Cyprus had scored five times in a game, local officials and journalists began to debate whether they had done so against San Marino or maybe Andorra.

Add Malta to those two and you have a complete list of the teams they have beaten in competitive games over previous three campaigns. When they watch tapes of this game, though, they will actually wonder how they did not score more than five; the game's best player, Olympiakos striker Michael Constantinou, missed a couple of clear-cut chances, and in the closing minutes Yiasoumis Yaisoumi passed up a virtually certain goal in an effort to set up Constantinou for his hat-trick, Konstantinos Makridis fluffed a close-range shot under pressure and Constantinou again had a decent shot well saved by Paddy Kenny.

The stop was one of the few positives the Sheffield United goalkeeper can take home from Cyprus. Between this and the Dutch game, the 28-year-old has conceded nine goals, and such has been the battering to his confidence it is questionable whether he should still be standing in for Shay Given when Ireland take on the formidable Czechs on Wednesday night.

As in so many other positions, however, the problem is that the alternatives are so terribly limited. On the bench for Saturday's game Staunton selected seven players with a total of 15 caps between them, and though he repeatedly insists he has complete faith in all of them, the claim was surely exposed as groundless by his failure to make changes far earlier here.

As they did against the Dutch, the back four performed abysmally, but the fact Andy O'Brien stayed on the pitch for 72 minutes almost beggars belief. But then Clinton Morrison made it to the final whistle having failed to contribute, and Kevin Kilbane showed that for all his honesty and endeavour he is naturally a supporting-cast member incapable of playing a leading role at this level.

Leadership, though, was noticeable by its absence in every department. Robbie Keane could do with being relieved of the captaincy so he can get on, unburdened by wider responsibilities, with the search for goals.

But who would take his place? Not, on the strength of this display, Richard Dunne who, carrying a booking into the game and in danger of being suspended for Wednesday, picked up two more for challenges on or beyond the halfway line and so left his team-mates shorthanded for the last 11 minutes.

In fact, while a couple of the younger players did their best in difficult circumstances, only Damien Duff produced the sort of enterprise and endeavour required of the team's senior figures. The Newcastle winger repeatedly took on and beat defenders early on during a spell in which both teams looked like scoring almost every time they attacked.

But the threat posed by the visiting side receded almost completely, and the Cypriots began to assert their superiority.

After a couple of early howlers Steve Finnan did at least make a couple of lungeing blocks to prevent a very bad situation becoming much worse. Such desperate interventions would not have been necessary, however, if the back four had defended with even elementary coherence.

Instead, they were a disorganised mess, and unlike last year's game here, when they were almost as bad, there was no Shay Given to save their collective bacon.

Remarkably, the Irish actually led the game after just eight minutes, when Duff's cross was turned into the path of Stephen Ireland, who fired home from close range.

O'Brien, though, pretty much set up Constantinou for an equaliser two minutes later and Kenny's hesitation allowed Alexandros Garpozis to put the locals in front with just over a quarter of an hour played.

Both sides hit the woodwork and when Dunne pulled the Irish level again moments before half-time anything still seemed possible in a bewilderingly open game that bore few of the usual hallmarks of an international match.

The Cypriots took control in the second half, though, with Constantinou's penalty, after O'Brien had brought down Efstathios Aloneftis, putting them back in front.

Konstantinos Charalimpidis then wrapped things up for the home side with two goals in 11 minutes.

In an effort to chase the game the Irish switched to 3-5-2 but things only got worse even before Dunne was dismissed.

Late on the hosts toyed with the Irish as the couple of thousand supporters who had bothered to turn up cheered wildly in the main stand.

It's hard to imagine Anastasiadis's side achieving another result like this any time soon and perhaps the Greek coach, under pressure before the kick-off after last month's 6-1 defeat in Slovakia, should walk while he's ahead.

Staunton, on the other hand, should be considering his position for altogether different reasons. After all, as he keeps on telling us, there are still 10 games to go in this campaign, and on the strength of what happened here nothing can be taken for granted anymore.

Ireland's qualification hopes already look to be at an end after two games. A defeat in match three and, one suspects, his brief reign as manager would go the same way.

CYPRUS: Morphis (Apoel); Theodotou (Omonia), Louka (Anorthosis), Lambrou (Anorthosis), Garpozis (Xanthi, Greece); Okkas (Olympiakos, Greece), Makridis (Apoel), Satsias (Apoel), Michail (Apoel), Aloneftis (Larissa, Greece); Constantinou (Olympiakos, Greece). Subs: Charalimpidis (PAOK, Greece) for Michail (half-time), Charalambous (PAOK, Greece) for Garpozis (77 mins), Yiasoumis (PAOK, Greece) for Okkas (86 mins).

REPUBLIC OF IRELAND: Kenny (Sheffield Utd); Finnan (Liverpool), Dunne (Manchester City), O'Brien (Portsmouth), O'Shea (Manchester Utd); McGeady (Celtic), Ireland (Manchester City), Kilbane (Wigan Ath), Duff (Newcastle Utd); Keane (Tottenham), Morrison (Crystal Palace). Subs: Lee (Ipswich Town) for O'Brien, (72 mins), Alan O'Brien (Newcastle Utd) for McGeady (81 mins), Douglas (Leeds Utd) for Ireland (85 mins).

Referee: Lucillo Baptista (Portugal).

Cyprus ... 5 Konstantinou 10 Garpozis 16 Konstantinou 50 (pen) Charalambidis 60, 75 Rep of Ireland ... 2 Ireland 8 Dunne 44 Sent off: Dunne 78 Attendance: 12,000