This is a worrying time in the world of people more used to worrying about the worries of different people in another part of the world.
But the old order is changing. Danger is knocking on their doorsteps now.
On an afternoon when they held their breath and waited to hear what class of bonkers Donald Trump was going to bring to the global elite’s party in Davos, Dáil Éireann moved to address our particular fears.
The president of the United States – a once trusted ally, has gone doolally on a global scale and nobody quite knows what he might do next.
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He wants to take over Greenland, which he keeps confusing with Iceland, so it’s only a matter of time before he puts his eye on Ireland and her valuable reserves of mackerel and Leprechaunia.
TDs from across the political spectrum are at one with the populace in agreeing that we are in a very scary place now.
On Wednesday, in a rapid action response, two and a half hours were set aside in the Dáil for “Statements on International Developments”.
At the appointed time, five TDs crowded into the chamber to hear the Minister for Foreign Affairs Helen McEntee deliver an update “on recent developments in international relations at what is an extremely important time”.
The attendance would have been even bigger only for the fact that the lasagne was on in the canteen and it’s always very popular.
“We are facing unprecedented and unpredictable geopolitical context” read McEntee in impeccable mandarin (Iveagh House version).
Say what you like about Helen, but she’s no Donald Trump.
There was no aimless meandering in search of muddled tangents, she hasn’t lost the plot and the speech only lasted for about five minutes.
The Dáil got away very lightly in the verbals department compared to the powerful business and political big wigs forced to endure the Codswalloper-in-Chief’s 70-minute avalanche of unconsciousness in a packed room in Switzerland. It was wonderful to see because they had to sit there and say nothing and they couldn’t even sack anyone afterwards.
Obviously, the global media – already stretched chasing billionaires and David Beckham around Davos – found itself in a major quandary due to this unforeseen clash of between Trump and the Irish Parliament’s stern statements his stoking up of geopolitical tensions, among other transcontinental matters.
Helen said the rules based order on which our security and prosperity, and that of our EU partners depends, is increasingly under challenge
This significant session in Leinster House was originally entitled “Statements on the State of Chassis” but it was changed to “International Developments” when it was feared that Trump might attempt to buy the State of Chassis from under the noses of the Irish people.
The Codswalloper-in-Chief was already in full mumble in the Swiss Alps before the TDs got down to discussing world issues.
Sinn Féin’s Donnchadh Ó Laoghaire was mindful of that other major event when he began his contribution in Kildare Street, remarking “we are sitting here and there’s – I don’t know what to call it – an interesting or noteworthy speech happening as we speak”.
Yes it was.
For Donald was announcing he is “gonna build a Golden Dome in Greenland like nothing ever seen before” and it will protect everyone in Greenland, Iceland, Ireland, Lapland, LaLaland and Lulahland.
They were jealous of this in the Dáil because the chamber roof is leaking.
It too is a dome, but unlike Trump’s mad dome the one above the Dáil chamber is made of wood and glass and it is not impervious to attack.
A good shower of rain is enough to exploit its weakness. There was a minor inundation above the Social Democrat seats during the lunch adjournment but somebody found a quick fix before business resumed.
During the state of chassis statements, numerous speakers repeated the line that we are in “uncharted waters”, which is where some of the Soc Dems would have been had the leak not been patched.
In her update, Helen said the rules based order on which our security and prosperity, and that of our EU partners depends, is increasingly under challenge.
She mentioned Russia’s brutal war in Ukraine, the situation in Iran, Palestine and Isreal, America’s recent unlawful swoop in Venezuela and Greenland.
Not forgetting the recent US proposal for a “Board of Peace”.
“The scope of the US proposal would appear to be wider than the Gaza peace plan” she said, stressing that Ireland is more of a UN type of country, attaching the highest importance to its role in maintaining international peace and security in accordance with international law.
“Ireland has received an invitation to join the Board of Peace, which we will consider in close co-ordination with our EU partners.”
France has already told him to take a hike.
Trump is set on building the biggest ever Board of Peace. His spokespeople have denied reports that countries who want full membership as opposed to just lady or clubhouse membership will have to pay a billion dollars for the privilege. Apparently there is no minimum charge.
Everything is negotiable.
The president is also keen to acquire box-office names from the conflict business for his big beautiful board. He would love his pal Putrid to sign up and when the Irish TDs were speaking word came through that his other pal, Bibi Netanyahu, has climbed on-board. Former British prime minister Tony Blair, who was involved in the Irish peace process , has also been signed up.
Gerry Adams must be due a call any day.
The Minister of Foreign Affairs said she spoke to the EU’s top diplomat, high representative Kaja Kallas, on Tuesday about developments in relation to Greenland, the Middle East and Ukraine.
Ursula von der Leyen’s second in command recently quipped at a new year’s meeting of EU party leaders when they lamented the precarious state of the world that perhaps now would be a good time to start drinking.
Helen didn’t say whether herself and Kaja went on the lash afterwards.
On the subject of “that piece of ice” Greenland, the Minister for Foreign Affairs said Ireland is “a strong advocate for transatlantic relations” and welcomes the recent increase in contact between Washington and Brussels.
However, all is not well.
“This engagement is fundamentally challenged, however, by recent US actions and statements regarding Greenland and tariff threats against a number of EU Member States, the UK and Norway.”
McEntee stressed that Ireland’s clear position is that the future of Greenland is something to be determined by Denmark and the Greenlandic people.
She didn’t mention Trump’s name during her speech.
Sinn Féin’s Ruairi O’Murchu heard some of the US president’s rambling Davos speech before going into the chamber.
“I’m delighted to hear – eh, what did he say? “We want a piece of ice for world protection. So, you know, saying it as it is. I think obviously Donald Trump sees himself differently as the rest of us do.
Probably all that he’s missing is the marvel superhero cape, and I think that’s where we are at.”
We’re not sure if he has the right superhero movie franchise.
Trump seems more DC comics than Marvel.
As he lumbered in his long black coat along the snowy Swiss airport tarmac, arms out from his side and hands in black leather gloves, Batman’s Oswald Cobblepot came to mind.
The TDs had no time for him.
“The Emperor has no clothes” declared Sinead Gibney of the Soc Dems.
Yet another atrocity there.
“Donald Trump is a monster” said Paul Murphy of Solidarity-People Before Profit.
“We stand with the people of Nunarput” declared his colleague, Richard Boyd-Barrett.
This is what the people of Greenland call their country.
There was much praise from TDs for the prime minister of Canada, Mark Carney, who delivered a standout speech in Davos which made headlines all over the world.
He got a standing ovation for it. Upstaged by a Canadian.
The Codswalloper-in-Chief will be fuming.
Take cover!
Tantrums incoming!
