In tune with the mood of the voting public, this was truly a no-frills gig, writes MIRIAM LORD
STEADY AS she goes – Enda Kenny’s new quality control system worked very well on Saturday night. The sense of relief among Fine Gael’s backroom boffins was huge.
Opposition white coats had to act quickly when their leader went dangerously haywire on a few occasions recently. People questioned his performance capacity. In the darker corners of Leinster House, some even muttered that a full product recall might be the only solution.
Clearly, something had to be done to avoid a catastrophic loss of consumer confidence, an area already considered Inda’s Achilles’ heel. A number of faults were identified:
– Veering off and saying the wrong thing in a tight corner.
– Grinning inappropriately when approaching oncoming cameras.
– Faulty brakes in meandering Dáil situations.
– Volume control unreliable and loud.
– A tendency to overheat in front of big crowds.
Over the last few weeks, the Blueshirt white coats worked long hours in the lab to iron out the problems. And over the weekend in Killarney, they rolled out The Real Inda mk II – a modified version of the man who would be taoiseach. The aim was to showcase a leader who should not be dismissed as a mere boy racer – all noisy exhaust but little under the bonnet. Forget about the flashy Jag types who have steered the country to economic chaos. Instead, hop aboard steady and reliable Inda Kinny, a politician in the mid-priced, mid-range family saloon bracket who will safely pilot you and yours to where you want to go.
Did it work? At the end of the two-day national conference, the verdict was good.
With his rewired circuit board, the Fine Gael leader motored smoothly through his televised presidential address on Saturday night with a solid if unspectacular performance built around three key selling points: more jobs, overhauling the health service and reform of the political system.
There were no fancy extras or head-turning gimmicks – which pretty much coincides with the mood of the voting public.
The Real Inda mk II was evident right from the start, when he made a fairly low-key entrance in stark contrast to the chest- thumping displays of previous conferences.
The music chosen to herald his arrival into the conference hall at the Malton Hotel played at a lower volume than usual, although the choice of One Visionby Queen gave rise to brief but unsettling images of Inda mincing up to the stage Freddie Mercury style.
Thankfully this was a no-frills gig, as his opening line duly promised: “I have a clear message for you tonight.” What’s more, he delivered a clear message. Key points outlined at the outset and elaborated in the course of a straightforward and uncomplicated speech.
The boffins did a good job. There was no roaring and shouting, and just one minor relapse when he thumped the lectern a couple of times.
But it seems no amount of tinkering can stop him waving his hands about. Kenny was like someone who had just returned from a semaphore course and was anxious to show off what he learned. There was more than a touch of Thunderbirdsto his robotic arm actions – perhaps this had something to do with the rewire.
The theme of the conference was to the point, if economical with words and truth.
“Getting Ireland Back to Work” said the slogan. It should have read, “Getting Ireland back to work and a Big Job for Inda.” In the course of his address, slowly and solidly delivered, the party leader namechecked five members of his front bench – Simon Coveney, Leo Varadkar, Dr James Reilly, Alan Shatter and Richard Bruton.
The rest of the platform party smiled and applauded along with the ecstatic grassroots, but must have seen five Cabinet jobs fly out of contention as the names were called out.
The use of names was clever and pitched at the folks watching on television. It cemented the profile the party has been painstakingly building for their leader, that of a shrewd manager, a clever chief executive who will delegate major departments to those who have the knowledge to run them.
Apart from the Freddie Mercury lapse at the beginning of the show, Inda only mentioned “vision” once. Remarkable restraint on the part of his speech- writers there, and another good move for a public sick and tired of aspirational oratorical waffle.
The crowd applauded at all the right moments but didn’t take leave of its senses. At their most recent gatherings, an air of nervous hysteria led to outbreaks of high-pitched screaming and buck-lepping. It was much more reserved on Saturday night.
Inda finished his tightly composed speech by exhorting the electorate to trust him. Then he did the robot thing with his arms and basked for the cameras before the first wave of screen-hoggers swarmed to his side.
As always, deputy Paul Connaughton of Galway East was first past the post. Veteran TD Paul is the Donie Cassidy of Fine Gael. Despite sitting in the body of the hall and facing a high ledge in front of the platform, Paul hurdled the ledge and was grinning like a maniac beside Enda before the front bench closed in.
It has always been thus. One deputy, who didn’t stay for his leader’s speech, told a colleague that he was getting out of Dodge and would be home in his own house “before Paul Connaughton touches the back of Enda’s jacket.” He was right.
The party is thinking of entering deputy Connaughton in the Cheltenham gold cup next year.