Embarrassed - moi? Hey, I'm a journalist. Neck of brass, ego hewn from raw titanium. I've door-stepped pensioners, harassed small children, fraternised with politicians. You think something like this is gonna faze me? Oh heck - to hell with braggadocio. Truth is, I'm nervous. Scratch that. I'm terrified. My knees are knocking together. I've turned bright cherry. People avoid my gaze. They know. Oh dear god, they know.
Eyes downcast, I slink towards the counter. An assistant regards me with faint, though not wholly unsympathetic, amusement. Can she help with anything she wonders? "Um, yes. I'm from The Irish Times. We spoke on the phone?"
She offers a hesitant I-don't-quite-follow-you smile. I glower some. Oh come on, you yammering, craven hack. Say it. Just bloody say it.
"I'm writing an article about male grooming products. I'm here for a... a..." "I'm here for a personal grooming consultation."
Behind me, someone stifles a snigger.
Why is this topic such a taboo? Many, many men nurse narcissistic streaks. They buy soaps, aftershaves and expensive deodorants. Some fritter away hundreds of pounds on beauty treatments. Certain vainglorious cads actually spoil themselves with facials and manicures. So I put it to you, gentlemen: what is there to be bashful about?
Five years ago, the suggestion that men might enjoy the occasional pampering would have raised guffaws. But our newfound affluence coupled with the growing prominence of post-masculine public figures such as David Beckham and Robbie Williams - heterosexual blokes unabashedly obsessed with their looks - has prompted a significant shift in attitudes. Dublin beauty parlours report a four-fold increase in the number of males receiving facials and manicures since the mid-1990s.
"There was a time when a man would not have dreamt of attending a beautician's," says one Dublin beauty therapist who asked not to be identified. "A few years ago, we might have seen one man a month and he would have been extremely embarrassed. But now we get one or two a week. That might not sound like a lot, but it's a huge change. These are regular customers and our treatments are obviously an important part of their weekly routine."
Knee-jerk prejudices dissuade many blokes from seeking beauty therapy, says Robert, a 26-year-old medical student.
"When I worked in London I regularly went for facials. I found them really relaxing, a fantastic way of chilling out after work. There was no problem because it was such a big city and nobody was going to see you.
"In Ireland I wouldn't dare. The place is too small and if word went around that you were spotted coming out of a beautician's - well... I could do without the hassle."
But in the shops, men are eagerly exploring cosmetics and beauty treatments. Hip to macho sensitivities, designer brands such as Clinique have repackaged women's skin products in moody, minimalist colours. At the Clinique area in Dublin's Brown Thomas, male customers are thick on the ground.
"Men are very single minded - they know exactly what they want and they're not afraid to ask for it," says Liz Flood, Clinique counter manager at Brown Thomas.
"There is a stereotype of the sort of man who will purchase grooming products - young, relatively wealthy, conscious of his looks, but in reality we get everyone from spotty teenagers in need of an effective facial scrub to middle-aged gentlemen who want to combat wrinkling."
Zealous customers (or bashful freelance journalists shoehorned into the role) can avail of a one-on-one consultation with a beauty therapist. Mercifully, the examination/ordeal is conducted in an alcove away from derisive stares. On my visit, I was asked for my hair colour, skin type, pore size and I volunteered a brief rundown of my daily hygiene routine (such as it is). A computer gobbled the details and - presto - presented me with a list of recommended products. Unfortunately, many were only available from the women's department. Oh come now. They didn't expect me to start using ladies' treatments? Er ... did they?
"Oh no," says Liz Flood. "We don't get many guys buying ladies' stuff. That's one taboo men haven't got to grips with yet."
Thank heavens for that.