It is 'social suicide my dears' to admit in certain circles that one is a teacher. The conversation can go very quiet and suddenly turn to the weather. I have seen grown men and women - ex rugby internationals, garda detectives, actresses, government ministers, barristers - all quake at the knees and blanch to palest white at the merest mention of teachers. What is this thing? Are they reminded of some horrific person from their educational past? Can they not bear to be reminded of their schooldays - the days when they were young, and vulnerable and not in positions of power and influence? At such moments, these otherwise wonderful people feel it necessary to unburden themselves of the following type of thing: What do you teach? God I hated my English teacher. I ask you what is the point of poetry? How can you stick all those dreadful adolescents? My PE teacher left me emotionally scarred for life when he told me I had flat feet. I was really brilliant at Irish until I went to Secondary School. Haven't you ever wanted to work in 'the real world'? Funny - I could tell you were a teacher - even before you opened your mouth.
A friend, recently graduated from college, remarked to me in passing that I was not like your average run-of-the-mill teacher. What, I longed to ask, was the average teacher like. But fearing the reply might not be to my liking, I simply smiled and changed the subject.
It did however set me to thinking about the perceived stereotypical image of the teacher. Are we those hapless creatures who have never really flown the nest of security which is the school environment? Are we pedantic, long-winded and given to quoting excessively from Shakespeare? Are we power freaks who are only at ease in an environment over which we can exercise complete control, or as Charles Lamb put it 'Awkward, and out of place in the society of his equals. He comes like Gulliver from among his little people, and he cannot fit the stature of his understanding to yours.'(there - quoting again you see...I cant help it)
I quite like teaching. With new courses and broader use of technology, work has become more varied and challenging. My colleagues are civilized, intelligent and above all good fun. I have worked in the so-called 'real world' and found many things and people that were not to my liking. Students, often maligned for their rudeness and indiscipline, are in the main vibrant, full of enthusiasm for life, great fun and without much of the baggage and hyprocracy that we adults sometimes carry around with us. Yet other professions appear not to be stereotyped to the same degree as teaching and not often do we hear of dotty dentists, dogmatic doctors, erratic engineers or nasty nurses. But from TV soaps to Hollywood blockbusters, teen fiction to world class literature, teachers are frequently stereotyped as dotty, dogmatic, erratic and sometimes downright nasty. It is mostly harmless, often funny - and not for a minute to be taken seriously. Nevertheless, comments such as those I mentioned earlier are sometimes tedious in social situations - as tedious as asking a dentist to examine your bridgework at the restaurant table or cornering a nurse at a dinner dance and asking her to lance your boil. To avoid these tedious moments I have devised my own particular coping strategies and I pass them on to you in case you ever feel the need for a small degree of social camolflage.
1 - Avoid trying to comment on the quality of your friend's work, as in 'that meal was really weak Anne. I know you can do better. However I did notice how carefully you peeled the carrots. So that shows that you are making some progress.' 2 - Avoid treating social situations as occasions for group discussion, as in 'what does the group think of the concept of laddism or the Celtic Tiger. Anybody like to start?' 3 - Do not pounce on the quieter ones in the group, as in 'come on Deirdre I know you care about this one.' 4 - Try not to fix the one who interrupts you with a startled stare. 5 - Be careful not to punctuate your conversation with too many pertinent little anecdotes, as in 'so my little encounter with the traffic warden taught me a valuable lesson about life - don't you see'. 6 - Avoid being seen in any of the following items of clothing: large, home knit chenille sweaters, tweed jackets, long tie-dyed skirts with doc martens, dangly hand-crafted silver earrings, sensible shoes of any kind...aran knit cardigans with matching leggings and fleecy skirts, sandals, woolly socks...anything that looks warm...anything with chalk on it. Hide your red biro or better still leave it at home. 7 - If you're a married second-level teacher, don't admit to knowing anything about Brittainy ferries or tidal conditions on the Quiberon Peninsula in mid-June. 8 - If you are a married secondary teacher, do not admit to knowing anything about Brittany Ferries or tidal conditions on the Quiberon Peninsula in Mid June. 9 - On no account allow yourself to be spotted in Bewleys doing the Times crossword on church holidays. 10 - Finally if you are footloose and fancy free and a nice fella at a night club asks you what you do - Lie Tell him you are an educational consultant.... A Human Resources Manager... a scientist working on a human brain project...a director of crowd control...an empowerer...an agony aunt...a nurse...a psychologist...a Futures person...an information trader...a window-opener....anything... but a teacher.
P.S. Never on any account quote from Shakespeare, Wilde or Goldsmith.
Copyright: Mary Hosty. February 1998
