Dáil Sketch/Frank McNally: You didn't have to know it was February 14th yesterday to sense that romance was in the air.
After the weekend Valentine card from Bertie Ahern, the Labour Party turned up for question time looking like a dozen red roses. The air crackled with chemistry, but as long as Pat Rabbitte is still leader, this is the love that dare not speak its name.
For now, Bertie and the more willing Labour TDs can only exchange meaningful looks across a crowded chamber (and across Mr Rabbitte's head) with the understanding that they might meet up after the general election. Fortunately, the Taoiseach had another outlet for his affections yesterday, in his own backbenchers. Like Cupid, he had an arrow to fire at one of them - an arrow marked "new Junior Minister" - and there were several TDs eager to be hit.
Seán Haughey was the hot favourite. In the event of a misfire or collateral damage, however, it was believed the missile would still fall in north Dublin; on Jim Glennon, maybe, or Pat Carey. Cupid was clearly aiming in that general direction, but he didn't know his own strength. The arrow overshot greater Dublin, and - to the astonishment of many observers - landed in Meath, where a broad smile on the face of Mary Wallace confirmed a direct hit.
Johnny Brady, who must wish the wind had been a little stronger, took the news well enough to plant a congratulatory kiss on his constituency colleague.
Like love, predictions of what Bertie Ahern will do in reshuffles rarely run smooth. Ms Wallace was an old flame, who had been considered well and truly doused after she was sacked three years ago, and seemed to be in a huff with her leader ever since. The only plausible interpretation of her recall now was the Taoiseach's ambition to take two seats in the new Meath East three-seater. But if Bertie's Cupid is a mystery, his psyche is beyond human understanding, so we don't try.
The man who had been considered most likely was nowhere to be seen during Leaders' Questions.
Síle de Valera was there, however, having apparently withstood the overtures of her boss to step down and make room for more promotions. Her colour choice seemed apt for the day in question.
Síle wore red, observers noted. And wherever he was, Seán Haughey must have been blue.
If Ms Wallace had been the victim of friendly fire, Joe Higgins was even more worried about the risk to the Taoiseach himself when he visits Washington next month. Along with the usual bowl of shamrock, Joe suggested Bertie might consider a "bullet-proof vest" when meeting the US vice-president, in view of stories in yesterday's newspapers.
"Not content with slaughtering innocent Iraqis," he said, Dick Cheney had "turned his gun on a close friend whom he apparently mistook for a duck". The Taoiseach should be careful, warned Joe. Mr Ahern did not respond to the warning from his fellow socialist. But the prospect of returning from Washington as a lame duck Taoiseach, or worse, must be worrying.