It’s a small world. But, as my friend Paul always remarks when anyone points this out: “I wouldn’t like to paint it.” Ireland is not so much small as tiny. A speck. In Ireland, it’s not six degrees of separation, it’s more like one. Or a half. You meet a random Irish person on a yoga holiday in Bali and it turns out they used to live in your old flat. This actually happened to someone I met recently. Not just the flat complex in north inner city Dublin, the actual flat. Small world.
The world is small, though I wouldn’t want to paint it. But Dublin is so small, it’s microscopic. That’s why, when you hear Brad Pitt is doing a Matt Damon in Dalkey, spending time in that salubrious suburb while filming a movie, the likes of me will spend a fair bit of time thinking about what we are going to say to Brad when we inevitably come across him buying sourdough in high-end food emporium Fallon & Byrne. As my favourite footballer once said, fail to prepare, prepare to fail.
This is Dublin, remember, teeny tiny Dublin, so randomly encountering Brad is a very real possibility. And I don’t think Brad is going to be getting his groceries in Lidl/Aldi, even though I love Lidl/Aldi. No, he’ll be in what some call Fallon & Burn Your Money, where I go for the things I can’t get in Lidl/Aldi.
Bumping into Brad will be a big moment in my life. I’ve admired him for decades. I’m not going to waste it with “Hello Brad Pitt, do you prefer black or green olives?” Or “Hello Brad Pitt, what’s George Clooney like?” I’ll have a line from my favourite Brad Pitt movie Thelma and Louise ready to go. “Well, now, I’ve always believed that done properly, armed robbery doesn’t have to be a totally unpleasant experience”, I’ll say, while Brad is ogling the Killadoon milk stand.
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Or, while he’s assessing the organic cucumbers, I’ll casually throw out: “Well, I may be an outlaw, darlin’, but, uh, you’re the one stealin’ my heart.” Brad will laugh when he hears this. The laughter will lead to further chat. I will show him where the really good anchovies are and tell him about Schnebelhorn cheese (It is a variety of hard, creamy Swiss cheese, sweet and nutty, with undertones of roast onion. It will pair beautifully with a nice rosé from Brad’s French vineyard, Chateau Miraval).
It’s a small world (wouldn’t want to paint it), but Dublin is really, really small. When I met one of my favourite film-makers, Richard Curtis, on the street in London years ago and I told him I was from Dublin, he told me he likes coming to Dublin because he has friends on both sides of the Liffey. “The Gleesons and the Hewsons.” Small town.
I told one of the Gleesons, Domhnall, this Richard Curtis anecdote when I met him last November at a charity event at Mount Temple, the northside school where 50 years ago U2 (with that lead singer from “the Hewsons”) was formed. Domhnall was generously giving up his time to be interviewed to raise money for the school’s newly established arts council. In a theatre packed with students and parents, I talked to him about his incredible career in movies – from Star Wars to About Time, from The Revenant to his brilliant television series The Paper. When it comes to movie stars, you could not meet a more decent one. He spent ages talking to the young people, doing selfies and answering their many questions.
I have just become an awful lot closer to Taylor Swift. I got a selfie with Domhnall. We hugged. I chatted at length to a man who has danced with Taylor Swift and pretended to be her boyfriend
The month before, Domhnall had appeared on The Graham Norton show with my musical heroine Taylor Swift. On that show he did some inadvertent manifesting. After doing a little dance, he quipped “I’m just trying to get into a Taylor Swift video”. As everyone now knows this eventuality came to pass, and he is the star of her comically genius video for Opalite. Here’s Taylor explaining. “Domhnall made a light-hearted joke about wanting to be in one of my music videos. He’s Irish! He was joking! Except … I was instantly struck with an idea. And so a week later he received an email script I’d written for the Opalite video, where he was playing the starring role.”
When I was interviewing Domhnall, he’d probably already filmed the video. Which is to say, if you ever need to keep a secret, tell Domhnall Gleeson. Even though I must have mentioned Taylor Swift to him 73 million times, he betrayed nothing. He should be a spy. Or an actor. Oh...
[ Róisín Ingle: We need joy and distraction, whether it’s Taylor Swift or rugbyOpens in new window ]
Anyway, the main point is, if there are six degrees of separation, I have just become an awful lot closer to Taylor Swift. I got a selfie with Domhnall. We hugged. I chatted at length to a man who has danced with Taylor Swift and pretended to be her boyfriend while wearing the coolest tracksuit I’ve ever seen. At this stage, Domhnall is probably invited to her wedding and if he goes, I might be able to get him to pass Taylor a note from me. Of course after reading this, it’s quite possible that Domhnall (ditto Brad) will run a mile in the opposite direction if he ever sees me in Fallon & Byrne or anywhere else, but that’s okay. I’ll definitely see him around Dublin at some stage. It’s a small town. So small, I actually wouldn’t mind painting it.
