Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Johnny actual Sexton is at the front door’

I throw back the duvet, hop out of bed and step into my chinos, all in one fluid movement

‘So why the fock are you buying presents if Santa focking brings them?’

‘So why the fock are you buying presents if Santa focking brings them?’

I’m shaken awake at some ridiculous hour – we’re talking, like, eight o’clock in the morning. And Sorcha – I shit you not – goes, “Johnny Sexton is at the front door.”

I’m like, “Johnny Sexton? Johnny actual Sexton?”

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