Upright tribute to honest agent

Howth €229,000 It’s not often that the property details advertised by an estate agent give the unvarnished truth about…

Howth €229,000It's not often that the property details advertised by an estate agent give the unvarnished truth about the property for sale.

Roy Brooks was an Englishman who became widely known as the “honest estate agent” for his witty descriptions of rundown houses he sold for clients in 1960s London. He developed quite a following as readers sought out his Sunday newspaper ads. As Brooks has been dead for more than 40 years, it came as something of a surprise this week when a new posting of a property by Gallagher Quigley auctioneers appeared to have been written in Brooks’s inimitable style.

Conor Gallagher of Gallagher Quigley says he has long admired the work of Brooks and was delighted when he finally got the agreement of a vendor to pay tribute to the man through this unembellished account of a house in Howth:

“Do not be misled by the attractive exterior of this double-fronted village cottage with its dirty sash windows and rickety hall door; all is not well on the inside.


“Not entirely devoid of plumbing, there is a grotty kitchen with a cold tap. Not much of a bathroom although Howth has excellent public bathing in the nearby Balscadden Bay!

“Untouched by the 21st century as far as conveniences for even the basic human decencies are concerned. Although, it is still habitable judging by the bed of rags, fag ends and bottles that used to ordain one corner.

“The decor of the six principal rooms, some of which hangs inelegantly from the walls, is revolting. Rain, sadly, drips in here and there and it is so poorly insulated that the insects have moved elsewhere.

“The slimy rear garden is overgrown, although it appears to have a decent amount of space. It gets plenty of afternoon sun - but who would want to sit out there!

“Otherwise there is not much wrong with this property. With plenty of scope for the socially aspiring to express their decorative taste, sacrifice €229,000. Tarted up, these houses can fetch €400,000!”

And to top it all off, the property comes with a glorious BER cert awarding it a G!

20 Main Street, Howth, Co Dublin

DescriptionThree-bed, double-fronted "fixer-upper" with garden, available to view by appointment only

AgentGallagher Quigley