Some efforts to tart up English game fall flat

IT IS as old as Ray Wilkins but the joke about Sunderland fancying three seasons in the top flight, autumn, winter and spring, still gets an airing.

It was given one over the tannoy at St James's Park a couple of weeks ago but yesterday at Roker Park, where it felt like three seasons in one long afternoon, the joke was on us all, particularly the 18,642 spectators paying a minimum of £16 to watch a game of quite stunning dross. The lucky ones were those with obstructed view.

"It wasn't the best of football matches," Peter Reid said afterwards, a line that was immediately installed as hot favourite for the understatement of the season competition. It was soon followed by Harry Redknapp's bit wasn't classic, was it?"

Think back to the worst match you have ever seen and then double the experience. The only way a goal was going to come was by way of a horrible mistake and even when the West Ham defence managed that for the umpteenth time nine minutes from the end Marc Reiper, who certainly merits the label grim, could not even direct his misheader towards his own net.

We were even denied the pleasurable wince of one of those, and had to make do with Dicks's verbal contribution just before halftime when at the top of his voice in a by then silent ground he shouted at Dumitrescu: "You big tart."

How right Julian was, but he could have been abusing any of his multi million multi national team mates. Redknapp said afterwards there was no problem with communication among his foreign players. "They all speak perfect English except Futre."

Perhaps it was just as well that Futre's English is still broken as he did not seem too happy when taken off in the last minute and refused to sit on the bench. Redknapp, however, killed any rift talk: "Futre is as good as gold. He said to me, `I've never been subbed before'."

Any more displays like this one and Futre will get used to it and yet the Portuguese superstar did on occasion remind everyone why AC Milan signed him. There was the odd twist and shimmy though nothing too substantial.

West Ham created two chances and both fell to Dumitrescu. The first after a Futre run was driven carelessly over the bar and the second, after half time, warrants the same description except that it was a header.

As for Sunderland, they showed an appetite for the game but scoring freely, or at all, continues to be a worry. Their best opportunity arrived at Quinn's feet on the half hour. Bilic was characteristically sloppy bringing the ball out of defence and was once again easily dispossessed.

The ball came to Quinn just inside the box but one on one with Miklosko it wedged between Quinn's feet and the beanpole tumbled in instalments. After that Stewart had a mishit shot cleared off the line and Ord was clattered in the area. No penalty was given.