Sharon's Knees-up a grand do

Mary Hannigan TV ViewSo, we're up and putting. Thus far we've been splendidly hospitable, warmly welcoming the American team, its other halves, its supporters and the tail-ends of hurricanes Florence and Gordon to our shore, now it's time to celebrate the cessation of the somewhat lengthy build-up to the Ryder Cup by winning the thing.

And who was there on RTÉ to welcome us to The K Club? Only Bill O'Herlihy. Tony Jacklin and Graeme McDowell were occupying the punditry seats usually filled by Dunphy and Gilesie, no wonder Billo looked so relaxed. You can never be certain of these things but you'd assume Tony and Graeme will show some decorum between now and Sunday and will desist from calling, say, Tiger or Monty, a "charlatan" or a "clown". Billo's in golfing heaven.

Jacklin added his support to the theory that this lousy weather will suit the Europeans, "our guys are used to mudding it", an opinion echoed by Sergio Garcia: "we grew up in these kind of conditions".

Which led us to asking, "cripes Sergio, what part of Spain are you from? Florida?" Far be it for us to question the golf folk themselves, but aren't Americans more accustomed to hurricanes? Over on Sky Sports, David Livingstone was in Sky Sports' hyperventilating mode ("Fever pitch doesn't even describe it . . . we're possibly on the verge of the greatest Ryder Cup ever") but back on RTÉ Billo was telling Tony and Graeme about the comments of American sports writer Rick Reilly, who pointed out that there were "two billion Chinese" who didn't care all that much about the Ryder Cup. "Your point is?" Tony's face sort of asked, Tony being a man who gets as excited about this Ryder Cup business as David Livingstone.

Billo also told us that Reilly, to some extent, questioned the strength of the 2006 American Ryder Cup team by suggesting it had "all the intimidation power of the Liechtenstein navy".

What he didn't tell us was that Reilly also reckoned the Americans "would have a hard time beating the Winnetka Country Club ladies' B team", but there's really no shame in that. Have you seen the Winnetka Country Club ladies' B team? Trust us, you wouldn't wanted to meet them in a dark alley. Especially when they're armed with five-irons.

Back to Sky and Livingstone, along with his panel of Nick Faldo, Butch Harmon and Ronan Rafferty, and a team of embedded reporters that wouldn't fit in to Croke Park, were setting the scene. Some troubling news, though, Ian Woosnam's wife Glendryth had come over unwell in The K Club steam room. "It must be a worry for you," Dominic Holyer asked Woosnam. "Ah, I've got lots of things to worry about," said Woosie. Worry not Glendryth, we, at least, are thinking of you.

Time to discuss the course. "It's not a traditional British golf course," said Livingstone, to which Henry Stanley might have replied: 'you're kidding, I presume?'. "In many ways it has an American look to it," he added, to which we all replied: 'don't mention the war'. Mind you, he had a point, The K Club could have been north west Arkansas yesterday, in the hurricane season, but there you go.

"News of the event has been whipping up a storm," said the semi-giggling RTÉ announcer yesterday as she introduced us to coverage of the opening ceremony, for which we battened down the hatches. "Our MC is Sharon Knee V O Lan," said Livingstone, as Sharon Ní Bheoláin took to the stage. Men in skirts with big drums, unusually huge balloons, and what looked like some very tall leprechauns, that was the gist.

Sharon's opening address amounted to a big hello to Americans who are planning golfing holidays, while the President, Mary McAleese, reminded us we had more golf courses per head of population than any country in the world. Who are you tellin', you can't go for a walk in the country these days without hearing "FOOOOORE".

A few speeches, and lots of music. The highlights were Liam O'Flynn and his rather magical relationship with the uileann pipes, and "the Jimi Hendrix of Celtic music", as Sharon introduced Carlos Nunez, who opened his set by playing what seemed to be a carrot. A lively lad he was, though, by the time he took his leave of the stage Sharon was describing him as "the Seve Ballesteros of Celtic music".

There was one worrying moment when Sharon started telling us about the Book of Kells, we feared she was about to tell us: "And we have it here today!" Mercifully, it is still locked up in the hurricane-proof zone that is Trinity College; instead we were treated to a dance that depicted scenes from the Book of Kells, one of which featured a woman in yellow lycra suspended from the ceiling, hovering over a very, very large pretend horse.

"A qualified thumbs up from the studio here," said Livingstone, seemingly unmoved by the woman in yellow lycra suspended from the ceiling, hovering over a very, very large pretend horse.

He was, though, impressed by the American WAGS, who once again displayed spookily similar taste, all wearing the same grey jackety type things.

As for the European HOBS (Husbands or Boyfriends) . . . those green-ish jackets? The only way is up. Up and putting.