Rory’s victory may see a heap of players declaring themselves single for Pinehurst

Divil a sign of Joe Brolly on RTÉ panel, incidentally. Did something happen?

“Obviously as an Irishman, I don’t know what a six-pack looks like” – Roy Keane on Ronaldo’s Mario Balotelli impression.

“Obviously as an Irishman, I don’t know what a six-pack looks like” – Roy Keane on Ronaldo’s Mario Balotelli impression.

 

With the US Open coming up, the other halves of professional golfers the world over will now wonder about the security of their relationships.

“He just looked freed up to me, somehow,” as Tony Jacklin put it on Sky, and with that a whole heap of men declared themselves single before setting off for Pinehurst.

If it worked for Rory, well.

It was, as it proved, the mother-of-all achy-breaky-hearted sporting weekends, you could only despair for the Derby County/Atlético Madrid/Thomas Bjorn/Derry and Waterford fans in your lives, although you’d hazard a guess there aren’t too many who have an equally spread devotion to all five. But who knows? Nine-point lead Waterford, of course, live to fight another day after surrendering that nine-point lead over Cork, a draw in the end at Semple Stadium.

Ger Loughnane noted that Jimmy Barry Murphy’s men’s “no-panic button” had been severely tested, before they kept hope alive. Or maybe he was talking about Waterford? Not sure. The stripes on that shirt of his played havoc with our horizontal hold, so it was hard to focus on what was actually being said.

He was, though, possibly, talking about Cork when he complained: “It’s their lack of aggression! It’s totally ‘excuse me’ hurling!”

Which was a contrast to events earlier in the day at Celtic Park where no horizontal bars were held, although the fare served up by Derry and Donegal was not exactly to the liking of Pat Spillane, the David Hasselhoff of sporting telly. Divil a sign of Joe Brolly on the RTÉ panel, incidentally. Did something happen?

Any way, Pat stepped in and shared his love and respect for Ulster football.

“Bluuuuuuuuuuurgh,” the gist of his summing up.

“Bluuuuuuuuuuurgh,” as it happens, was the gist, too, of the key moment in the Champions League final - no, not Sergio Ramos’ injury-time equaliser, which proved to be as good as a winner.

It was, of course, the moment Ronaldo ripped his shirt off after scoring that penalty, a moment that so repulsed two thirds of the RTÉ panel, Bill O’Herlihy nigh on had to pass them a sick bag.

“Ah Jesus Bill,” John Giles almost said, not ever having provocatively stripped like that and crooned ‘I’m too sexy for me shirt’ in his day while celebrating a netbuster. Eamon the Dunphy, though, opted for words, as he often does: “Repulsive!” “Horrible!” Overwhelming one It’s never easy agreeing with Eamon, him being Eamon, but the desire for Atlético to score three goals in those last two seconds was an overwhelming one. Just so Cristiano’s six-pack would shrivel in to a twofer.Not to be.

Any way, Real prevailed, and we call them that to distinguish them from their neighbours, which the RTÉ panel oft times failed to do. Who’ll win? “Madrid,” they replied, when they really needed to be more specific.

Over on ITV, Roy Keane was more forgiving towards Ronaldo – “Obviously as an Irishman, I don’t know what a six-pack looks like” – although he was less generous towards star guest for the night, Steven Gerrard. England at the World Cup? “I do think they’ll struggle.”

Stevie brushed it off, it being Roy, much as Rory brushed off his week’s woes at Wentworth.

“The lion roars again,” as David Livingstone said of his triumph, “he made a fool of anyone who tries to predict the outcome of golf tournaments.”

True, that, although while you had to feel for Shane Lowry, when you heard he was picking up €527,770 for his runner-up troubles, the sympathy eased a little.

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