Luminous talent

The crowd (Henry and Harold) at last week's Basingstoke Sunday League division two match between Inter Tadley and Castle were gutted when the riveting encounter had to be abandoned after 70 minutes when, according to the Daily Telegraph, all eight available footballs were kicked over a fence at one end of the pitch. And why didn't the players attempt to retrieve the balls? Well, the fence separates the pitch from the Atomic Weapons Establishment. "We were thinking of sending someone over the fence," said Castle's secretary Greg Clarke, "but he could have come back day-glo green."