“It’s the most intense thing that we’ve ever had to deal with, but it’s in an amazing way” Marcus O’Laoire says of parenthood. The chef and father of one has just recently become qualified as a guest for the Conversations with Parents podcast, and he is loving life since the arrival of his six month old daughter, Sylvie.
On the latest episode of the podcast he opens up about the journey to fatherhood, and discusses the fertility tests he underwent en route to becoming a dad. He shares why he believes male fertility is not spoken about openly, how his friends reacted to hearing he was undergoing fertility tests, and discusses how the immediate suggestion following his sperm analysis results was that the couple try IVF.
“As a young man, you’re told very often that if you don’t take every step to use contraception, you will impregnate someone. And I think that messaging completely undermines the fact that men can have fertility issues”.
O’Laoire points to the vulnerability that couples can feel when trying for a baby, “. To have a lab tech, sitting across from you going ‘you should consider this right away, and here’s the price and here’s everything’, it felt kind of sinister.”
In the end, the couple conceived their daughter naturally, but O’Laoire’s partner Rachel’s pregnancy was not without its worries. “Rachel has epilepsy”, he explains. Caring for his partner to try an ensure her epilepsy wasn’t triggered by exhaustion or other issues is where O’Laoire feels his duties as a dad began. “Fatherhood starts in that kind of way. You’re looking after your partner while she’s pregnant. And that really framed everything for me”, he says.
The pregnancy was eventful for a number of external reasons, O’Laoire explains. “In the middle of it all our landlord decided to try an evict us out of the house we’d been in for a couple of years”.
He discusses the impact of the housing crisis on families. “Look at the childbirth rates in Ireland. Rachel’s parents had four kids by the time we had one”, he says. “You’re having a generation of much older parents coming in now, because no one can afford a house”.
He points to friends who are unable to have children because of the housing crisis, and shares how it will likely also impact the size of his own family. “I would love to have more kids, but we live in a two up, two down. One kid in there is tough”. And shares how childcare and other costs are also a significant factor.
O’Laoire’s father sadly died recently. He shares how he’s coping with the loss of his dad, who he describes as his “best friend”, while trying to adjust to new fatherhood.
“The complexity of grief combined with being a new father. It’s just this emotional maelstrom…..Babies don’t know that you’re sad. And I know for a fact if Sylvie wasn’t around I’d be dealing with this a lot differently. And in a lot more unhealthy ways”.
Plus he discusses why he’s chosen not to share his daughter’s face online. And shares some easy to make children’s recipes.
You can listen to episode on the player above or search for Conversations with Parents wherever you get your podcasts.
Conversations with Parents is presented by Jen Hogan.This episode was produced by Andrew McNair.The series producer is Declan Conlon.
Brought to you in association with Avonmore Super Milk.
