Coleen Nolan has always had a very open relationship with her children.
When it comes to having conversations with them, nothing is off the table, explains the TV personality and member of The Nolan Sisters.
Seriously, nothing.
“Shane did come in and tell me when he lost his virginity,” she says.
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“Luckily I had my back to him,” she continues, describing her initial reaction when her eldest son shared this news with her. “He went, ‘and before you ask, I did use protection.’ I said, ‘how was it?’ He said, ‘absolutely rubbish. But I got it out of the way.’ And then we carried on making dinner.”
It’s possibly a more personal sharing of details than many parents are used to when it comes to their teenagers’ lives, but Nolan says her own experiences of growing up, with parents who didn’t like to talk about certain things, made her particularly conscious to be a mother whose children could speak to her about anything.
“My mum and dad, they were great for me. I loved them. But equally they didn’t talk about anything. So you could never talk about sex ... my mum had six daughters, but never told any of us about periods. So luckily, I had older sisters, because otherwise I’d have thought I was dying.”
With Irish parents, and lots of family still living in Ireland, Nolan was a regular visitor to the island growing up, including to some unexpected places, when she was very young.
“We used to do a lot of the clubs around Ireland and stuff as a family,” she says. “We performed at Mountjoy Prison, when I was tiny. I just remember walking in and it was packed with all these men and lifers.”
She describes the “roar” that occurred when she and her father started singing Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree.
Nolan was 23 when she first became a mother. She wasn’t married. “That went down like a lead balloon,” she explains.
Her parents were very supportive, but the press she says was another matter. “The press were quite harsh. The press were: ‘She should be ashamed of herself. She let herself down. She let her parents down.’ I think because we had this such sickly sweet image ... we were all sisters. Everyone thought we were nuns, I think. And that we’d never even kissed a boy.”
On the latest episode of the Conversations with Parents podcast, Nolan discusses how her own experience growing up meant she wanted to be there as much as possible for her children. “When I was at school, doing a sports day or a concert, nine times out of 10 my family couldn’t be there because they’d be working.”
She became a stay-at-home parent after her second son Jake was born, when then husband Shane Richie’s career had taken off.
She experienced a miscarriage at a time when she was experiencing difficulties in her marriage to Richie. “Jake was like eight, nine months old. Me and Shane then at that point weren’t great. And so I wasn’t overjoyed [to be pregnant] and neither was Shane.
“I feel more guilty about saying it was actually a relief,” she admits.
Nolan also discusses how she navigated the very public break-up of her marriage, while trying to protect her two young sons. She describes how a member of the press leaned into her car as she arrived home with her children and said: “Oh, hi Coleen, do you know your husband is having an affair?”
And she discusses how her children reacted when she told them the news, and how she had to start over again and return to work.
Eight years later, Coleen’s daughter Ciara, with Ray Fensome, was born. She describes parenting a daughter after two sons.
As we approach State exams season, and for parents the dreaded Leaving Cert holiday, Nolan shares her own experience of attempting to incentivise her son to study and how the promise of trip to Amsterdam for him was reported in British media and led to her being termed “the worst parent in the world”.
As for being a grandmother: “I love it. But sometimes, sometimes I think I’m terrible.”
This is because she sees other grandparents dedicating all their time to doing things with their grandchildren, or providing significant amounts of childcare, she explains. “I’ve gone from having mother’s guilt to grandparent guilt, because I feel I’m rubbish at that.”
You can listen to this episode on the player above. Or search for Conversations with Parents wherever you get your podcasts.
Conversations with Parents is presented by Jen Hogan. This episode was produced by Andrew McNair. Declan Conlon is the executive producer.
Brought to you in association with Avonmore Super Milk.
