Over the past decade, something profound has been happening. People are having fewer children, women are becoming mothers later in life, and the age-old question of whether it’s possible to balance a career and a family feels more relevant than ever.
For some women, delaying motherhood is a choice. For others, it’s a consequence of soaring housing costs, expensive childcare, career pressures, or simply not finding the right circumstances at the right time. Meanwhile, workplaces have changed, family life has changed, but many mothers still find themselves carrying much of the responsibility when children arrive.
So what does modern motherhood really look like? What opportunities have women gained, what sacrifices are they still making, and why are birth rates continuing to fall? In 2010, 77,000 babies were born in Ireland. That number had fallen to 54,000 by 2024. Falling fertility and birth rates will have implications for us all as a society.
On the latest episode of the Conversations with Parents podcast, Jen Hogan was joined by three women with very different experiences to talk honestly about careers, fertility, family life, and how society has changed ... and not always for the better.
While there have been advances in fertility treatments that have enabled people to realise their dream of becoming parents, we cannot completely outrun nature. And so we ask the slightly uncomfortable question – should we be encouraging more women to have babies younger and maybe even in their 20s? “Absolutely”, midwife and fertility coach Tubridy says, sharing her thoughts on where we’ve gone wrong in this respect.
Plus, we discuss what exactly the Government needs to do to support those who would like to have children to do so. Housing, as you’d expect, features. “Housing is completely ridiculous and our Government has completely let us down and continues to do so,” Tubridy says.
Young people are “seeing the burden of motherhood, the lack of support, the juggling your career, trying to manage everything and so it’s just not worth it”, Tubridy says, of one reason why parenthood may not seem so appealing to the young generation. While the return to the office, she explains, is forcing women’s hands around family choices.
Choice is also a factor, career psychologist Sinéad Brady says. “People see the transition to motherhood as a choice. I think for a generation, or generations of women, motherhood was considered what you did. It was almost an obligation.”
The juggle of work and family life is huge and women in particular are feeling the pressure. So how can we escape the weight of the mental load? Psychologist Brady shares her thoughts. Plus, we ask if we treat dads differently when parenthood comes knocking. Spoiler alert – we do. And Tubridy shares how we need to handle this.
Ciara Reid is a vet. She was late to parenthood, meeting her husband Pat when she was in her late thirties. Her husband is eight years older, which meant the couple had to have a conversation about having children early in their relationship. Reid suspected she might need fertility treatment. She discusses her experiences, including being told at her 11-week scan that there was “a marker for chromosomal abnormality. The statistics we were given at that stage were fairly grim … I planned for the worst”, to her ultimate relief on learning her daughter had Down syndrome.
As an older mother, Reid found herself as part of the sandwich generation, caring for young children, and elderly parents at the same time. As the age of first-time mothers continues to increase, it’s a situation more and more people are likely to find themselves dealing with.
The panel discuss how the education system is setting people up to be workaholics. And why women must find and plan for fun in life. Plus, we look at how women ended up paying a penalty in the workplace for mothers, while fathers experience a premium. Brady shares how, while on paper it looks the same, women often find themselves in different roles post-baby that limit their career progression. “The work becomes operational and executionary as opposed to strategic and visible. And there’s a real issue around this that I’m seeing on the ground every day.”
And we discuss fertility, wanting to have more children, the impacts on relationships, family and social lives. And the dreaded question of “are you not having another? It’s so multifaceted and it’s such a source of sorrow,” Tubridy says of fertility challenges, or not having the family size someone may have envisaged.
Plus we’ve included some tips throughout that may just make modern motherhood a little more manageable.
You can listen to this episode on the player above, or search for Conversations with Parents wherever you get your podcasts.
- Conversations with Parents is presented by Jen Hogan and produced by Andrew McNair. The series editor is Declan Conlon
