It is ‘all men’ who must now step up and speak out

The brutal, senseless murder of Ashling Murphy has ripped through our collective hearts and reminded the women of Ireland of the fear that too often attaches to our everyday choices. Although the culpability rests solely with the perpetrator of this horrendous crime, as a society we must reflect on our collective role in implicitly enabling the escalation of behaviour through failing to recognise and call out acts of harassment and violence that beset our everyday lives.

Whilst acts of assault, rape and murder are committed by the few, it is the scourge of everyday harassment and violence on our streets, in social settings and too often in our homes, that have been normalised to become part of the lived reality for so many women and girls.

We rightly react and recoil in collective horror at the murder of a young woman who simply went out for a jog, but do we equally recoil when we witness unwanted verbal or physical advances, or the uninvited encroachment of personal space as we travel to work, socialise with friends or participate in sport?

Whilst few would claim to condone such unwanted acts, does the silence of the bystanders to such behaviour serve to indicate a false consensus of acceptability, implicitly delivering an equally false sense of permission to the perpetrators to behave this way, which in turn must invariably result in the escalation of abuse by some?

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The failure to intervene and object to the unacceptable behaviour of another person can act as an implicit endorsement of that behaviour

We must demand and effect a level of societal behaviour that removes the omnipresent threat to women and girls and immediately stop the hackneyed reaction that challenges women and girls to make better, safer choices. A murder, a rape or a sexual assault only occurs because the perpetrator commits the crime. Nothing more and nothing less. The focus of change needs to rest firmly on the behaviour of those who threaten the wellbeing of women and girls, who put them in fear or danger. It needs to be clear that change must happen, it must happen now and – most importantly – that we can all play a role in effecting that change.

Reprehensible acts

Inherent in making an effective intervention is the capacity to recognise the range of unacceptable behaviour to be addressed, to better understand the broad spectrum of reprehensible acts that comprise all forms of hostility, harassment and violence. It is only in noticing an event and interpreting it as problematic that we can begin the shift in both mindset and behaviour. The failure to intervene and object to the unacceptable behaviour of another person can act as an implicit endorsement of that behaviour, creating a false consensus as to its acceptability, ultimately normalising it with the passing of time.

Social norms refer to the parameters of acceptable behaviour in social settings and amongst social groupings, and such silence facilitates the creation over time of a new social norm which can inhibit the ability to recognise its danger. If we only challenge the most heinous of offences, too many will believe they have no role to play; sexist jokes, leering and groping are always unacceptable and such acts need equal condemnation to eradicate these and the inevitable more extreme forms of abuse that will follow.

We need to shatter any sense that the threat or the act of sexual harassment and violence against women has become a social norm

We must develop a social mandate of zero tolerance. If we are to shatter the ignorance and misconceptions surrounding the acceptability of individual acts and behaviour, education is essential to developing a shared understanding of sexual violence and harassment in all contexts, and the social and legal parameters of acceptable behaviour. This awareness represents a fundamental requirement for the chain of events required for an intervention to occur. We need to shatter any sense that the threat or the act of sexual harassment and violence against women has become a social norm. There must be no doubt or confusion as to where the parameters of acceptable behaviour lie.

Unwanted advances

Interventions to highlight unacceptable behaviour, to challenge unwanted advances both verbal and physical, will make a difference. Speaking up is never easy but it isn’t impossible. It is a challenging choice but a crucial one. Stepping in to identify and stop sexual harassment and violence rightly places the spotlight on the perpetrator and their behaviour and can facilitate their removal or provide support for the vulnerable party. However, for too long I have participated in conferences, delivered workshops and contributed to policy and law reform in rooms that are mostly populated by women.

In this context, whilst the mantra of “not all men” rings hollow on social media today, we need to recognise that it is in fact “all men” – it is all men who must now step up and speak out; to their friends, to strangers, to whomever they hear or see behaving in a way that threatens women and girls. All men must stand in solidarity with women and girls and learn to recognise all forms of unacceptable behaviour, choosing to pro-actively engage to stop it, to end it.

Each intervention can be both informative and transformative for the parties involved. Do this in every instance and we have started a new conversation and identified the expectation of a new normal for women and girls. Ultimately as a society, we need every individual to recognise their capacity as a pro-social bystander to contribute to the development of a new normal and cultivate a shared sense of responsibility for cultural change. We owe this to all women and girls, and we must do it in honour and memory of Ashling Murphy.