Irish and British people, North and South, must be more imaginative in defining their identities, argues former rugby international Hugo MacNeill
The question of the North has always fascinated me. So too has the relationship between Ireland and Britain. Why? It is a matter of who - and what - I am. Ancestors from Glenarm in Co Antrim; a family involved in Irish history; growing up in Dublin; at college in Trinity and Oxford; playing rugby for Ireland with my Ulster team-mates; living in England for nearly 20 years; and now back in Dublin but working in London two days a week for an international organisation.
As we wait to see if Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams can really do a deal, people frequently say nothing has changed. Is this true? Perhaps some people are beginning to think in a new way, to question the old certainties and to seek to understand the views of the other: unionists wanting to march in Dublin and many Dubliners disgusted they weren't allowed to; unionists realising that the South is not the church-dominated, narrow society caricature; victims of the Somme commemorated in Dublin; and Gerry Adams applauded at David Ervine's funeral in east Belfast.
This debate should be strongly encouraged. It is part of a broader discussion on this island. The profound changes in the South over the past decade have happened at a pace that has led to confusion and a re-examination of identity. Journalists, writers and artists are trying to make sense of it.
The same critical and questioning attitudes need to be brought to bear upon the relationships between the people of the island and between these islands.
Do we really understand how other traditions view our own?
My former Irish rugby team-mate, Trevor Ringland, who has courageously pushed reconciliation in Northern Ireland through his "One Small Step" campaign, has consistently emphasised, as did John Hume, that what matters is uniting the people of the island in mutual respect and understanding, rather than simply uniting the island.
I am not pursuing any particular political agenda. I respect the right of those who advocate a united Ireland by democratic and non-violent means. I respect the right of those who advocate the maintenance of the Union, whilst treating their fellow citizens with respect and with an understanding of their aspirations.
We in the South have our challenges too. Do we really understand our unionist neighbours? What is this British identity with an Irish twist? Do we empathise with the words of John Hewitt, the Ulster poet, who described his Ulster identity in a description that I paraphrase.
"Firstly, I am an Ulsterman steeped in the traditions of this place. Secondly, I am Irish, of this Ireland. Thirdly, I am British, and finally, in a more diffuse way, I am European. It may make it easier for you to understand if you remove one of those elements but if you do you are no longer describing who I am."
Can we Southerners really get our heads around this?
Can we really understand someone who says he is simultaneously Irish and British. Much of the discussion about a united Ireland seems to revolve around showing the unionists that we are not a bad lot. "We know," say moderate unionists, "but you are missing the point."
How much does the South really care about the North? How many people from the Republic have even been to Northern Ireland? When is the last time you heard the North as a discussion point during a night out?
Unionists have their own challenges: not only to work with their nationalist brethren in a shared society but to build a mature relationship with their neighbours to the South and also to re-connect with their fellow "British" citizens.
This last challenge seems to me to be central in building unionist confidence and identity. The academic Sir Anthony Kenny wrote that what used to bind Britain to Northern Ireland were three things: sentiment, self-interest and morality. In recent times, he observed, only the last of these applies.
There is almost no interest in the UK in Northern Ireland. Ask some of your friends living in England when was the last time that the North came up in conversation.
This is unfair and damaging to moderate unionists. However, there is no unionist voice that really connects with their neighbours across the sea. Where is the voice that can articulate what it means to be unionist and British in 2007 - and beyond - in a positive and inclusive way? Such a voice is never heard in the UK.
Have the attitudes of Northern nationalists been evolving too?
It was interesting to read a recent publication claiming that a large percentage of Northern nationalists would settle for far less than a united Ireland if they got "parity of esteem". When I asked a west Belfast nationalist if this was the case, he agreed.
There is now a relationship between Britain and Ireland that would have been unimaginable just over a decade ago. We no longer believe in the stereotypes: the mischievous, cunning Irish; the haughty arrogant English.
These changes bring fantastic opportunity on the one hand and great challenges on the other. In turn they demand changes in the way we think about many economic, social and cultural issues. They also demand changes in the way we think about the North and indeed the South.
We need a new framework, a new language in which these issues are discussed. We need to explicitly recognise the changed and changing context in which they play out, in all parts of our island and with our UK neighbours. Pursuing one path based on one set of beliefs or assumptions, whilst not recognising the wider set of changes, the views of the other parties, will lead to a narrow and increasingly divided society, principally in the North (where such matters do continue to be of daily importance), but also on the wider island.
When we discuss these issues with genuine mutual understanding we are more likely to build a better future for all the people on this island whilst continuing to strengthen the bonds with our neighbours across the Irish Sea. This will probably involve a richer, less black or white, more complex set of assumptions and relationships than have been discussed to date. However, it's a big and worthy prize. Let's go for it.
Former Irish rugby international Hugo MacNeill is a board member of the Ireland Funds and a council member of the British-Irish Association. He is managing director of Goldman Sachs Ireland.