`How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace' seemed an essential tool of journalism so naturally I enrolled.
The $30 had been paid and Susan Rabin was launched into her opening spiel when I realised it was really about "flirting", and not how to ingratiate yourself with the Washington power-brokers.
Flirting with White House Press Secretary, Mike McCurry, was not going to get me very far. It might even deprive me of my White House pass. But what the heck. Carry on Susan. I might even learn something. After all she has an MA and used to be the sex education co-ordinator for the New York City Board of Education.
I learned first that flirting means "acting amorously without serious intent". And "the sexual revolution is over", according to Susan, so her class is not about one-night stands or getting people into bed (although that might happen "indirectly", she added archly).
Body language is the big thing in flirting. Lots of smiling, leaning inwards, nodding but no touching or staring. And if you're a man watch out for the "sexual signals" that women can give off but which most men overlook. The guy beside me was nodding so vigorously as Susan strode up and down the narrow room that she flashed him her best smile and asked for his name. He was Russell and the rest of us men hated him.
You've got to watch those eyes. Staring can be "an aggressive act" in the animal kingdom warns Susan. You don't want to look as if you're eyeing your kill. She advises the "flirting triangle technique". You think of your partner's face as a triangle tapering down to the chin. So instead of staring all the time into your partner's eyes, you let your gaze wander from brow to temples to earlobe, to chin and so on. But always "lightfully, playfully, respectfully". I must remember this when doing interviews. I knew this course would pay off.
Any compliments must be "from the neck" up because getting "checked out" diminishes a woman's personhood and men are "more than the estimated sum of their parts". Susan turned down the lights to let us watch a video but this triggered off an epileptic attack on my neighbour, Russell, who flailed around striking me and fell to the floor writhing. Amazingly, Susan carried on while a nurse in the audience knelt beside Russell and helped him.
SOMEONE had called an ambulance so we took a break while Russell, now feeling better, sat on a chair and apologised for the disturbance. In Washington when you call an ambulance it is the fire brigade which arrives first and firemen who give first aid.
"At least he got the nurse," I blurted out and we giggled stupidly. Russell was wheeled away on a stretcher and we went back to the flirting class. He had been so enjoying it.
It must have been tough on Susan to carry on but after thanking the nurse, she plunged into more flirting tips. For shy people she recommends carrying a "Nicebreaker". These are cards you can hand out with printed messages such as "You are beautiful and I am shy. If you're interested you can reach me at . . ." Another message could be: "I'd hate for you to disappear into the anonymous crowd. Please call me."
The guy beside me exploded. "Surely women will think you're an asshole if you go around handing out cards like that," he shouted. Susan looked offended but tried to brush it off. The Nicebreakers can work, she insisted, but she then switched to flirting props. Carrying a book with an interesting cover can get things moving or browsing in bookstores but not in the selfhelp section. If you're a man, walking with an interesting dog or wheeling a young child can draw female attention. Women can show interest in men with unusual ties or suspenders (our braces). In stores a man carrying a cooking implement and looking a bit helpless can send out interesting vibes.
What to say when the ice is broken is important. Don't try the ploy of dipping your finger into your drink and dabbing it on the conversational partner's blouse saying: "What do you say we take you home and get you out of those wet clothes?" Susan has "11 foolproof ways" to keep a conversation going. Number 11 is "Don't be the sunshine of your own life. If you begin every sentence with the word `I', you'll have less chance of ever becoming a `we'."
She has some good tips for journalists under this heading. Now I know to: "Ask openended questions. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no." Or "Ask for other people's opinions . . . then don't argue when they offer them."
So having kept the conversation going what next? Watch the feet. If your conversational partner is standing with one foot pointed towards you and the other pointed out into the room, she is inviting somebody - anybody - else to interrupt your conversation so "make tracks, she's not about to run into your open arms". If the male is making "small aggressive kicks" even though his upper body language is friendly, he's inwardly hostile. But if he's smoothing his pants over his thighs, the flirting is getting somewhere. You can do a lot with a handshake. Susan's pupils have told her that a handshake can be a lot more stimulating, seductive and sexy than a dry "nice-to-have met-you" peck on the cheek. So try the hand-over-hand clasp. Both men and women love it. Or hold the handshake a moment longer than necessary and make eye contact. President Clinton does both of these. See where it got him.