School principal Trimble ticks off 'inept' DUP

Conference sketch: It was a noble affair

 Conference sketch: It was a noble affair. Among the field of Remembrance Day poppies that is the Ulster Unionist Party base were the titled and the elevated. Dan Keenan reports.

Lord Ballyedmond, perhaps better known as businessman and former senator Eddie Haughey, chatted with Sir Reg Empey. The Marquess of Salisbury, the former Viscount Cranbourne, lavished praise on the Right Honourable David Trimble, no doubt destined himself for the House of Peers - but not just yet.

Lord Rogan, a party grandee, took his place on the platform as Lord Laird mingled and chatted.

Lady Hermon, the former Ms Paisley, arrived late citing family business. Her husband, the former chief constable Sir John Hermon, suffers from Alzheimer's disease - "and he's forgotten already who Jeffrey Donaldson is" she told delegates to much sympathetic laughter.

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There was no sign of Lord Maginnis, the former Ken Maginnis; or Lord Kilclooney, the former John Taylor.

A short video presentation, designed to gee-up the crowd for the leader's set-piece speech, included a montage of other unionist knights, lords, ministers and heads of government from Sir Edward Carson to Sir James Craig, from Sir Basil Brooke to Captain Terence O'Neill.

The occasional young face punctuated the ranks of the grey and the retired. One such visage belonged to Gareth McGimpsey, the Westminster candidate for DUP-held Strangford and son of the former minister, Michael. Long-haired and fresh, he was warmly greeted by those peeping over their reading glasses.

Now freed from the constraints of both office and protocol, Mr Trimble was at liberty to employ a bit of Bush-style plain speaking.

In the line of his fire was the DUP as it ponders the end of 40 years of opposition and edges towards fully fledged participation.

It was good, he said, to see the Rev Ian Paisley taking the road to Dublin for tea and sandwiches with a Fianna Fáil Taoiseach 12 years after excoriating Jim Molyneaux for precisely the same thing.

Democratic Unionists were, at various points, sectarian, cack-handed, badly advised and inept.

In his best school-masterly way he ticked them off for not taking his solid advice just as he chided the Prime Minister for "rushing" things because of his "characteristic optimism".

Ulster Unionists, now on the eve of their centenary, will share the anniversary with that other monumental political force, Sinn Féin.

Arthur Griffith, Mr Trimble reminded us, was a royalist who favoured a dual monarchy along the lines of Austria-Hungary.

How times change. Chances of a joint celebration appear distinctly unlikely.