MIRIAM LORD'S WEEK

Goodnight Enda, goodnight Lucinda; Ayatollah halts Offaly; Burns bows out; Pat’s delicate ear; Mary’s Late show; David the entertainer; No place, no name

PEACE AND harmony has broken out in Fine Gael, and anyone who suggests otherwise will be taken out and given a sound thrashing.

Following our report last week of their turbulent parliamentary party meeting, which led to rather overheated interpretations in some quarters as to what this meant, the party is back on Walton’s Mountain and one big happy family for this weekend’s ardfheis.

One of the principal characters in the drama, Deputy Lucinda Creighton, said on radio yesterday that she “gets on great” with her party leader. She told Newstalk that there was “nothing to patch up” between her and Enda Kenny, and what happens at a parliamentary party meeting stays there. In fact, she said she might even join Enda in a sing-song, if the occasion demanded.

That’s nice to know.

This Tuesday, deputies and Senators arrived at their weekly meeting to find Kenny waiting for them, with party chairman Tom Hayes beside him. He dealt straight away with the previous week’s fireworks, accepting that he was a little short tempered. This was because he had been under huge pressure due to the impending High Court case involving Senator Eugene Regan’s daughter Naja. Ms Regan took the party to court because she argued she was unlawfully prevented from standing for the party in the local elections.

To applause from the floor, Kenny said he was only human, and doing his best. Lucinda and Ulick Burke, who had clashed with their leader, said the matter was over and done with.

As for the Naja Regan case, that was settled in court and the terms were not disclosed. However, we have Fianna Fáil Senator Donie Cassidy to thank for letting the cat out of the bag. In the Seanad on Tuesday, Donie wished Eugene Regan luck “as a substitute in the European Parliament.” Regan didn’t reply.

Word around Leinster House is that Fine Gael feared they would lose the court challenge and negotiated a settlement with Naja and pére Regan. This included making him their super-sub for Europe, while a similar arrangement was agreed for his daughter in terms of “first dibs” on any vacant council seat.

But party handlers are smarting over the episode. First thing this morning, a number of rule changes to the party’s constitution will be debated in closed session at the ardfheis in Citywest. This has to led to mutterings among elected representatives that headquarters is attempting a coup.

A new rule may be brought in giving the executive in Mount Street the power to select candidates. It will be debated before 10am, leading suspicious minds in the parliamentary party to conclude that too few delegates will be in the chamber for the debate and the motion to change the constitution will pass relatively unnoticed, and without the media present.

Surely that’s not the case.

Then again, what else is happening between 9am and 10am? Why, it’s Breakfast with Enda for delegates, in the Kingswood Suite.

Not to be missed in favour of a boring session on rules. At least that might be what some party mandarins are hoping.

Ayatollah halts Offaly

IT’S A big night tonight for Brian Cowen, when he will be presented with a lifetime achievement award by the Offaly Association in Dublin.

Offaly person of the year is Attracta Brady, chairwoman of the All-Ireland Fleadh Cheoil Committee. Attracta and her team are heading the three in a row this year.

Taoiseach Cowen was named Offaly person of the year in 1992, when he first became a government minister.

A history of the Offaly Association – The Country in the City by Paul Rouse, chronicles some of its highlights since its beginnings in 1957. They had to abandon their treasure hunt in 1979 when the oil crisis, sparked by events in Iran, resulted in petrol shortages. The association abandoned the event “in the public interest.” The minutes of the meeting at which this difficult decision was reached record that one Finbar Lenihan “wished it to be known . . . the Offaly treasure hunt was abandoned due to the intervention of the Ayatollah.”

Burns bows out

LAST WEEKEND’s meeting of the British Irish Parliamentary Assembly was tinged with a little sadness, when Mike Burns, who has been PR for both sides since the body was established in 1990, officially retired.

The former RTÉ correspondent turned communications consultant didn’t miss one of the twice-yearly meetings between Irish and British parliamentarians. Much important work has been accomplished by the body, and last year, unionist representatives from Northern Ireland finally signed up to attend.

The urbane Mike left the meeting in Donegal laden down with gifts. The press corps gave him a cartoon of himself by Dee Crowe. The co-chairs of the body, Niall Blaney TD and Peter Hain MP made a presentation, as did the members of the British and Irish secretariats.

Seán “Diggie” Duignan, former government press secretary and RTÉ political editor, gave a hilarious speech, recalling their journalistic exploits over the years. He pointed out that if Burns didn’t want the caricature, there was a vacancy on the wall in the National Gallery. It would be a blessed relief to see that he is fully clothed, and holding nothing more offensive than a pint and a cigar.

On the final morning, the Tánaiste, Mary Coughlan, addressed the assembled politicians from Ireland, England, Scotland and Wales. Before beginning her speech, she turned to former Northern Ireland secretary Peter Hain and declared the last time she saw him, he was about to take part in a car rally and was wearing a zip-up white leather suit.

“Can I say, Peter,” giggled the Tánaiste, “You looked ferociously sexy!”

To which Hain replied: “Mary, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

Pat’s delicate ears

CATHAOIRLEACH OF the Seanad Pat Moylan, has a very delicate ear, which is easily offended. Fine Gael’s Nicky McFadden made Moylan wince on Thursday when she used the sort of language which might bring the house into disrepute. The Cathaoirleach, who hails from Banagher in Offaly and is an associate of Brian Cowen, obviously moves in very genteel circles.

Although as a former hurler with St Rynagh’s and a noted intercounty referee (in his day, he would have put manners on spirited young fellas such as Biffo), one might have assumed that Pat’s sensibilities are a trifle more robust.

His latest fit of the vapours occured when McFadden was expressing her annoyance at comments made by Ibec’s Danny McCoy, who suggested the budget should include cuts in social welfare.

McFadden: “I heard Mr Ibec making his totally outrageous and arrogant proposal this morning. I ask the deputy leader to write to this so-and-so to ask him to withdraw his proposal immediately.

Senator Mary White: “Hear, hear.”

McFadden: “It’s an absolute outrage. It shows how disconnected this powerful so-called leader is from . . .”

Moylan, he’s like a coiled spring, jumped in: “If I have heard the Senator right, she has called someone a ‘so-and-so’. I don’t want that type of language.”

McFadden: “I thought it was mild.”

Cathaoirleach: “I ask her to withdraw it.”

McFadden: “I was being careful.”

Senator Paschal Donohoe: “It’s pretty mild.”

McFadden: “I actually thought that.”

Cathaoirleach: “I don’t like that, to be honest.”

Senator David Norris: “To which ‘so’ does the Cathaoirleach object — the first or the second?”

Cathaoirleach: “I’m chairing this sitting.”

McFadden: “I’ll withdraw that remark.”

Cathaoirleach: “I don’t like the term ‘so and so’.”

McFadden: “No, I’m sorry. I apologise. If I offended you, I’m very sorry.”

Cathaoirleach: “Not me, but the House. It’s the House we’re talking about.”

Next week, Moylan will discuss whether chair-legs in the chamber should be covered to avoid giving scandal. It’s interesting to note what Moylan deems acceptable when it comes to referring to third parties in the Seanad.

A couple of minutes earlier, Norris raised the Pamela Izevbekhai case and comments made by the Nigerian ambassador “who stated that female genital mutilation is a non-existent problem” in Nigeria, despite Government figures to the contrary.

“One wonders what might happen to Pamela Izevekhai if she goes back to a country whose ambassador so clearly lies to this country,” said Norris.

Pat didn’t say a word.

While across the way in the Dáil, Minister for Transport Noel Dempsey spent two days fighting with Labour over whether or not he called Eamon Gilmore a liar.

Mary’s late show

SHANNONSIDE RADIO pulled an April Fool on Wednesday morning with a convincing yarn about Mary O’Rourke taking over from Pat Kenny as host of The Late Late Show.

A news report ran saying RTÉ had issued a statement on the matter and that the normally garrulous Mammy O’Rourke had gone to ground and was not returning calls. There was speculation about a byelection as the former minister would have to resign her seat upon the news becoming official.

Country singer TR Dallas, a Fianna Fáil stalwart, came on the line to confirm the story and wish Mary well in her new career. He was followed by FF deputy for Cavan/Monaghan, Margaret Conlon, who also tendered her best wishes but said she would be sorry to see a woman leave the political stage.

Fine Gael’s Seymour Crawford, who had been lined up to speak on a different issue, played along with presenter Joe Finnegan and said he would miss O’Rourke. Finally, the woman herself surfaced. Oh yes, said Mammy, she had indeed been chosen as the new face of the Late Late. She would be touring the country and broadcasting from a different location every week. This would give a voice to country people, who were so often overlooked by the show.

Róisín Cooper, a producer with Shannonside, tells us the response to the story was huge. “In all the time I’ve been here, we’ve never had a bigger reaction to anything. The phones were hopping.”

However, most of the calls came after host Finnegan came clean and admitted it was an April Fool prank.

“Callers were angry about being misled,” Cooper told us. “A lot of them didn’t appreciate the joke, saying they had already been conned by the Government and weren’t too happy that their radio station was now doing it too.” Which says something about the pre-budget public mood out there.

David the entertainer

LABOUR’S LIZ McManus threw open the doors of her lovely house on Bray seafront recently to host a fundraiser for Nessa Childers, the party’s candidate for Ireland East in the European elections.

McManus's house has a connection with James Joyce – the writer stayed there briefly, and it is the setting for the Christmas scene in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, where there is a massive row about politics and religion.

Naturally, Liz chose a Joycean theme for the evening and guest of honour was David Norris and his straw boater. “David was absolutely wonderful – both erudite and entertaining,” she says.

There were 55 guests at the fundraiser, supporters and friends of Nessa Childers from around north Wicklow. Over €2,000 was raised on the night.

Meanwhile, the larger than life Norris got a taste of his own medicine in the Dáil a while ago, when Labour deputy Ciarán Lynch chanced to pass him in a corridor.

David was bidding farewell to some visitors, loudly thanking them for coming, as he grappled them to his chest and planted extravagant kisses. Ciarán watched a young woman in the group step back apprehensively just as the exuberant Norris was about to swoop.

The mischievous Lynch stepped in smartly, grabbed the startled Senator and gave him a big smacker on the cheek.

The deputy for Cork South Central turned to the girl and, with a big smile on his face, declared: “Don’t worry luv, you’re in no danger there!”

And he went on his way.

Nick nicks income

WITH THE local elections on the horizon, how many sitting and prospective councillors might be amenable to the idea of taking a pay cut for doing the job? A former Fianna Fáil chairman of Meath County Council, Nick Killian, has instructed the county secretary to cut his councillor representation payment of €16,500 by 10 per cent with immediate effect. He wants this money to be allocated to the council’s disabled person’s grant allocation for 2009.

Killian, who is from Ratoath and a former adviser to Minister of State Mary Wallace, says this was a personal decision and he wanted to show solidarity with the tens of thousands of people in Meath and around the country who are suffering job losses or pay cut.

Will this start a trend among local politicians? Similar gestures by the likes of Senator Eoghan Harris haven’t precipitated a snowball effect in Leinster House yet, so it’s unlikely.

No place, no name

DROGHEDA-BASED Labour councillor, Ged Nash sends us proof positive from the heart of the commuter belt that “the arse has fallen out of the construction industry in Louth and we don’t need the CSO, Tom Parlon or the unions to tell us . . .”

Nash explains how Louth County Council had to establish a placenames committee to ensure there was no duplication in the naming of the housing estates sprouting all over the region. Members also wanted to vet proposals from builders with notions, set on giving their developments ridiculously swanky names. It was a busy committee.

But that’s all over now, as this short e-mail from the council shows: “As there have been no placename proposals received, there will be no placenames committee meeting in April.”

Nothing built.

Book the bankers

A BATTLE of the books is imminent, with at least two journalists set to bring out the definitive tome on Ireland’s bankers, and their part in our downfall. Senator Shane Ross and RTÉ’s business correspondent David Murphy are first out of the traps in this slow bicycle race to publication, although we hear at least one more book is in the pipeline. David and his partner, the writer Martina Devlin, have signed a deal with publishers Hachette and the book is due out in the summer. With Martina on board, Banksters should be a page turner.