Less a Stetson, more a state of mind

The Battle of Little Big Trousers rages on. It may have moved to a new theatre of war, but the terms of engagement haven't changed.

Bono's prodigal pants are still adrift in the wilderness. His iconic Stetson hat has yet to find a home. His knick-knacks remain a cause of legal contention.

This story mirrors the band's career, in a way. The boys have moved from playing intimate venues to staging stadium extravaganzas. Now, their garments and geegaws have moved from Dublin's Circuit Court to the dizzy peaks of the High Court. Throughout though, one, immutable, certainty: It's a crazy old rock and roll world, m'lud.

A quick run through the back catalogue. Her name is Lola, and yes, she was a showgirl, of sorts. She was engaged as U2's stylist during their American Joshua Tree tour in the early 1990s. After the tour, she parted company with the band, taking some items of memorabilia with her. U2 took her to court last year to get them back. Lola said she was "gifted" them. The band strenuously disagreed, and won.

This week, Lola Cashman began her appeal. Welcome to Stetsongate II - The Return of Bono's Pants. (But to whom? That is the problem.) Standing room only in court number five.

Bono finished up his stint in the witness box yesterday morning, looking impeccably styled. Black suit, charcoal silk shirt, skinny tie in a lighter shade of grey and dark sunglasses with that mud brown tint so beloved of loyalist paramilitary leaders. Crepe sole, teddy- boy style shoes.

Later in the day, when Lola Cashman was giving evidence, she struggled and failed to find the colloquial term for this type of footwear. In her time working for the band, she had persuaded drummer Larry Mullen to stop wearing them in favour of high-top runners.

We resisted a delicious urge to shout "Brothel-creepers, your honour."

During the tour, Ms Cashman asked Larry if she could keep a worn-out pair of his runners. The drummer consented. Bono sighed, he realised her request for the old boots "should have been an early warning sign".

And so to Nana Mouskouri. The White Rose of Athens was introduced by senior counsel for Ms Cashman, John Rogers, who is to the Irish courtroom what Bono is to Madison Square Garden.

On home ground, the talented Mr Rogers has been going down a storm.Would it be true, he asked U2's lead singer, that Lola was a straight talker? Indeed, did she not say at one point that Bono looked like Nana Mouskouri? Not so, he replied bravely: "It was me, I said

I looked like Nana Mouskouri".

Whereupon the two fell to musing whether this is true. "I entirely agree that you don't look like Nana Mouskouri" concluded Mr Rogers. A badly styled titter ran around the court.

But Lola remembered differently. She recalls meeting Bono at his LA villa when the stylist's job was on offer. Back then, he was wearing a look which was very black, "all tucked in", with his trousers in his boots, topped off by long black hair. As she saw it, the image didn't really work on stage.

"It gave him this Max Wall/Nana Mouskouri look, and I told him." Max Wall, for the benefit of younger readers, was an English comedian with a very funny walk. He wore a little black jacket and tight trousers tucked into bootees. He would prance around, hunched up, with his bottom sticking out and his little legs flapping up and down. Picture it. Bono: Max from the neck down and Nana from the neck up. No. Best to move on.

The court had earlier heard that Ms Cashman was in the habit of wearing clothes from Bono's stage wardrobe. This issue was ventilated when Fintan Fitzpatrick, who was Lola's assistant at the time, said the singer is a size 42.

Mr Rogers couldn't imagine the stylist "would easily fit into" these clothes. Perhaps not, said Fintan, but she could wear his hats. "His hat size is completely different to hers. His head is much bigger," exclaimed the lawyer.

Both men agreed Bono had a much bigger head. The titter did another lap of the room. However, Mr Fitzpatrick was adamant that it "would be completely unbelievable" for Bono to give away his hat. "Stetsons are a state of mind," film- maker Barry Devlin later observed during his evidence.

The job of a stylist is very complicated, explained Lola. It was not just about clothes, but developing an image. When she first met Bono "he was wearing hats. When I went there, he was wearing trousers." Oh, thank God.