`He saved my life," says Frances James (not her real name) dramatically. Is she talking about a fireman, a lifeguard or a police officer? Not exactly. Frances is talking about a man who spends an hour a week listening to her talk about her life and then assigns homework. He is her "life coach". Coaching is the latest personal growth movement which has taken the US by storm and is slowly gaining ground in Ireland. While there are about 3,000 life coaches in the US and almost 100 in Britain, look up "coach" in the phone book or on Irish Internet sites and all you come up with is lots of information on bus companies.
This does not deter Sean Weafer, who is one of a small band of coaches in Ireland. He believes life coaching is the next "big thing" and that coaches are to the 1990s what personal trainers were to the 1980s.
"All top sportspeople have a coach and a life coach is like a sports coach. It is someone who has learnt as much as possible about an area, whether it is management, sales or careers, and then is in a position to help others achieve, and win the game of life," he says. You do not need to be in the middle of a major crisis to consult a coach - just the feeling that your personal life could be better or that you could achieve more at work is sufficient motivation. Sean explains: "We all work at a certain level but we also know that we are capable of more. Coaching is designed to bridge that gap." When Frances consulted Sean she felt miserable, no longer enjoyed running her small business and was considering changing her career: "I thought a coach was like a business consultant and turned up to see Sean with all my bank statements, but he never looked at them. Instead he asked me a lot of questions and together we worked out what areas I needed to focus on. My first `homework' was to write down everything I spent so that I could see how much I needed to earn if I was going to change careers. On my way home from the session, I spent £20 and by the next week I realised I needed quite a lot to live on so any career change would have to develop over a year or two."
A coach acts like the best friend we all wish we had: someone who always listens, does not get bored when you repeat the same thing over and over, never judges and never says, or even thinks, "I told you so". Frances feels that a friend could never replace a coach: "I have lots of good friends but they all thought I was being silly and that I didn't really have any problems. I needed a coach to help me see things differently." The only slight problem is that you have to pay - this friendship-by-the-hour costs from £40. "Sean asked probing questions and his directness taught me how to communicate fully and to think positively. Now, where there's difficulty, I solve the problem and where there's bad I find good." Her social life has also improved "vastly" - the homework assignment to help her find a new boyfriend (write down what exactly you want in a man), showed positive results within four weeks.
A coach will not tell you what to do or how to solve all your problems but, says Sean: "A coach provides skills to help you achieve your goals and it is a process which is highly practical, specific and measurable."
The homework assignments are part of the "measuring" process. You decide what you need to do and devise an "action plan" with your coach. This might include something basic such as clearing your desk, making 10 phone calls, looking into college courses or having that talk with your children you have been putting off. If you do not complete the assignment, there is no blame from the coach, but rather, a discussion about the reasons for non-completion. Frances gave up smoking after doing Sean's homework: "He told me to write down why I wanted a cigarette before I lit up and then how I felt afterwards. I never went anywhere without a pen and a notebook." Coaches stress that they are not therapists and do not deal with the past. "We take things from now and look forward," explains Jonathan Bell, Sean's partner in Prosper Group, which specialises in coaching and sales development. "Life coaches help people address issues and set goals. Whatever it is you want to achieve, a coach builds your confidence so you can go and do something about it," Jonathan says. While American coaches are often "touchy-feely" and use New Age jargon, Irish coaches tend to be more practical and goal-oriented.
It is the practical aspect of coaching which appeals to area sales manager with Progressive Life insurance company, Noel Crowe. After attending a coaching course run by the Prosper Group, Noel uses his new skills to coach others in his department: "A coach helps and supports somebody to achieve their goals. It's a way of life and helps you get to the stage in life where you are a positive thinker. It is easy to blame others for things which are going wrong in your life but coaching helps you take action to do something about it." Noel is a big fan and feels that corporate coaching is the way of future: "If a company doesn't have a coach, it should."
The key to successful coaching is action. "I didn't want to sit around discussing what happened to me when I was five," says Gillian Watt who lives on Cape Clear Island in west Cork and is coached by neighbour Winifred Harper. "I was confused about what direction to put my life in and was looking for something which was solution-based. I wanted to change my career and Winifred helped me really look at what I want to do and helped me prioritise. She got me to write down what I really wanted from life and then work out realistic ways to make changes. After doing a lot of caring work, I've now applied to university to study field ecology. I feel that my life is more on track."
Winifred is one of the 110 trainees "attending" the Coach University in England, which runs "virtual" classes by tele-conferencing and email. From her island home, Winifred coaches people all over the country - by phone (although, following the US example, she also offers "cybercoaching" by email). Her clients contact her with a wide range of goals: wanting to write a book, get over a health problem, move house, change careers or simply regain energy. A 30-minute session once a week will cost £35, including the cost of the call. "You can say things to a coach on the phone that you cannot say to somebody who's close to you, or to a prospective business partner or your bank manager."
While it can be difficult to see what is so special about coaching - after all, isn't it just talking to a stranger about your problems and then making lists of things to do? - you cannot argue with the people who have paid their money and made their choice. "I'd recommend it to anyone who is open-minded," Frances says.
Choosing a coach can be a tricky business as there is no professional registration system and you also need someone who you can trust and feel comfortable with - but at least distance is no object as long as you have a phone or an Internet connection.
The coach website is at www.coachu.com. Coach referrals are available from Bob Grif- fiths at Coach University, 0044 171 7878599. email: coach@willow.demon.co.uk
For an Irish coach, contact Winifred Harper at Tranquil Coaching, 028 39126, or Sean Weafer/Jonathan Bell at Prosper Group, 01 661 3022