Don't ask me out on a 'man date', I have to wash my hair

That's men for you:  Uuuuggghhh! Here's an idea from across the Atlantic that makes me cringe

That's men for you:  Uuuuggghhh! Here's an idea from across the Atlantic that makes me cringe. I wonder why? It's the "man date".

No, I'm not talking about the trade union. I'm talking about the concept of two heterosexual guys going out on a date.

The whole thing was written up recently in the New York Times, so it must be for real.

And the article about the concept of the man date was, of course, written by a woman, called Jennifer Lee.

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I say "of course" because I sort of knew that before I even looked up at the byline.

A voice said to me, this is the sort of thing women come up with to embarrass men, especially women journalists.

Now, to grapple with this question of a man date, we need to know the distinction between what is a man date and what is not.

Going to the pub with another guy to drink pints and stare morosely at the bottles lining the wall behind the bar is not a man date.

But going to dinner in an intimately lit restaurant with soft music and an expensive wine list is.

Going fishing with another man is not a man date. But, well, going to the ballet together - that's a man date.

Meeting your friend when you are both in need of a shave and a wash and your clothes are crumpled from being worn all day, that's alright. That's not a man date.

Washing and blow-drying your hair, slopping on the aftershave and wearing a top and trousers out of The Irish Times Saturday Magazine, that's a man date.

You could go to a good slash-me- up murder movie with a man and that would be alright too. But you wouldn't go with a man to a light, romantic comedy because that's a man date.

Ms Lee reports that in those echelons of US society where heterosexual men go on dates, the thing to do if you go to a light, romantic comedy with another man is to keep an empty seat between you.

That way, nobody else who might happen to be in the cinema and who might know you - cringe - will get the wrong idea.

One easy way to identify a man date is to ask yourself this: is this the sort of thing two heterosexual women could do without cringing at all?

If so, it's probably a man date. Women have meals with each other in romantic restaurants and go to light, romantic comedies and blow-dry their hair and dress to kill for the occasion and it doesn't cost them a thought.

And nobody with any common sense assumes that they are anything other than two heterosexual women on a night out.

So what is it about us guys that makes the idea of a man date so terrifying?

I have to confess I don't really know. All I know is that the idea terrifies me.

Which means that I'm not as liberal and sophisticated as I'd like to think I am.

I may be no John Wayne and I may run away from fights but my caveman prejudices are still working away there.

What's more, I have a kind of feeling that this is never going to change.

But maybe I'm out of step.

Maybe today's Irishmen are busy making dates to go to symphony concerts and art galleries and intimate restaurants together.

Maybe I'm just part of an old guard, weary and redundant, committed to bars, violent movies, greyhound tracks and other such safe pursuits.

Ms Lee quotes a professor saying that we really ought to get over our prejudice against going out on dates with other men.

I guess the professor is right. My problem is, I know I'm just not going to get over it.

So if you're a heterosexual man and you were thinking of asking me out for a date, don't.

The thing is, I can't go out. I have to stay in and wash my hair. Every night.

Padraig O'Morain is a journalist and counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.