Boasting about your role as a new father has become as socially redeeming as a stint in rehab. A bebe carried like a handbag has become as de rigueur an accessory as a pair of vintage Nikes. And complaints of sleepless nights now carry as much cred as a devotion to a 12-step programme.
The list of men putting in Oscar-winning performances as proud fathers of status-symbol babies include Liam Gallagher, Damon Albarn, Christian Slater (sharing parenthood with a woman he met in rehab), Johnny Depp and Ronan Keating. Spice-spouse David Beckham had his son's name, Brooklyn, sewn into his football boots and Spice-ex Jimmy Gulzor has fought over custody of Baby Phoenix, declaring paternity with a P tattooed on one of his fingers.
Matt Le Blanc has side-stepped the sleepless nights and enhanced his sex appeal through his devotion to his family-to-go, model Melissa McKnight and her two children by another relationship, Tyler (eight) and Jacqueline (four).
Whether the baby is your own, or someone else's, a baby sling has become one of this season's trendiest accessories. But behind the nursery door, how committed are these fathers, really? It is telling that Uma Thurman bought her partner, Ethan Hawke, a home gym to keep him near the baby. Because parading a baby in public is one thing, putting in the hard slog is another.
Perhaps Father's Day should be renamed "What is a Father?" Day, because there is clearly some confusion about what the role entails. It's probably fair to say that we're all pretty much agreed on the basic parameters of fornication, fertilisation and finance, not to mention lifetime ownership of the sofa and the TV remote control. But we have yet to reach a working agreement on all that other not-so-fun stuff, such as nappy-changing, night-time feeds, school runs, laundry, cooking and cleaning.
Eighty per cent of Irish men - many of them fathers - say that they don't share domestic and childcare tasks, according to Eurostat, which puts Irish men rock bottom of the European league. Yet 70 per cent of Irish women say that their male partners do share domestic tasks. Those who have long suspected that Irish men and women have completely different views of reality will be relieved to see their suspicions supported by scientific evidence.
What do these contradictory statistics mean? One interpretation is that Irish men are refusing to admit to their sterling contribution to housework and childcare. Another is that Irish women are crediting their men with far more domestic work than they are actually doing, suggesting that Irish women are as optimistic about their men as they are about the weather - they feel that by merely expecting their men to share domestic tasks, they will. "Darling, I just know that you're going to clean the toilet one of these days. And yes, we will have a summer this year!"
There is a third interpretation which may be even closer to the truth - that women are the gate-keepers in the domestic realm. The male partner may do a task if he is asked to do it, but unless he is asked, it may not occur to him. For example, the other day I asked my partner if he had watered the plant in his study lately. "What plant?" he answered. Need I say that the plant in question is the size of a small tree?
Since interviewing housework-and-relationships experts Claire and Yossi Rabin three weeks ago, I've realised that I have to look at the plant episode from my partner's angle. He didn't put the plant there. I put the plant there to allay the effects of radiation coming from his PC. He doesn't care about a) plants or b) screen radiation, so why should I?
Because I'm the gate-keeper. Since most women are the self-designated gate-keepers on the domestic scene, Irish men may literally have blanked on Eurostat's question about domestic work, regarding it as "women's work".
Irishmen's distinction of being the least reformed males in Europe is shared by Portuguese men, 79 per cent of whom say they never share household and childcare tasks. Seventy per cent of Portuguese women agree that their male partners are domestic dropouts. At least in Portugal, men and women are living on the same planet.
Studies have shown that couples fight more about housework and childcare than anything else. Tension over kitchen and kids is being made worse by the fact that increasing numbers of Irish women are suffering from role strain as they struggle to do two jobs at once, one outside the home and one inside it. But what can we do about it?
Imagine RTE TV running a Government-sponsored ad campaign telling men to share the housework, and The Irish Times sports section carrying half-page ads telling men that "sharing domestic tasks improves your quality of life". If you think that sounds about as likely as Liam Gallagher doing your ironing, consider that in Portugal, the Netherlands and Spain, such campaigns are already underway. In Spain, the macho male is being told: "A man who does not share the housework is not a man". Talk about putting it where it hurts.
Maria das Dores Guerreiro, university professor and consultant to the Portuguese Ministry for Equality, was in Dublin recently at a meeting of the EU-sponsored NOW (New Opportunities for Women) project and spoke about the Portuguese initiative. The most popular TV ad in the campaign started with a close-up of a young Portuguese man weeping. The camera pulled back to reveal the man chopping onions, while minding his young son. The slogan ran: "Sharing domestic duties improves quality of life."
Portuguese men were shocked by the image because it challenged their views that men don't cry, don't cook and don't mind babies. After the campaign, the government ran a telephone survey asking men if the ad had changed their attitudes. Men's general reaction was: "The ads are important and necessary, but my habits haven't changed, although this is good for the new generation." Some men were more cynical. A typical comment was: "We share at home - she cleans and dusts and I make the messes." Women's reaction was one of relief that something they believed in was being supported by the government, but few seriously thought that men would change as a result of an ad campaign. A common reaction among married women was: "I recognise that men should share more, but I'm not able to change my husband."
Most Irish women will identify with the attitude that no matter what your political views on equality, shutting up and doing the housework is easier than arguing about it. Such passivity means that "80 per cent of women in Western society are oppressed by their husbands," believes Yossi Rabin.
In another of the Portuguese ads, a beautiful, sophisticated woman named Ana Cristina is seen coolly starting her day, but by 9.17 a.m. she has lost her mind because she's trying to do the school-run, keep a business appointment and shop for dinner, all at the same time. She's a classic example of role strain where women find themselves doing so many things that they feel they cannot do any one thing well enough.
Maria das Dores Guerreiro is part of a Portuguese initiative, which is addressing the problem by "trying to create another way of organising our society. We are putting a very big emphasis on developing other kinds of proximity services to support family life. All the things women do at home - cooking, cleaning, elder-care, child-care, laundry - why can't we buy these services?"
The Portuguese government is committed to creating jobs in domestic services as part of its National Employment Plan (NEPs). The idea is to subsidise the creation of a whole domestic-support industry in order to free women from having to do two jobs at once.
At the same time, the government is introducing training courses for men in the techniques of family tasks. By teaching men how to clean, cook and take care of babies, it hopes to encourage them to do their fair share. There are also moves afoot to make the Family Tasks Training Course a prerequisite for marriage, by incorporating it in the Catholic Church's pre-marriage courses.
The Portuguese are also looking at changing work practices to make them more family-friendly, and have published a guide to good practice in the workplace. RTP (Radio Television Portugal), as part of the NOW programme, has created a home babysitting service for its employees who work unpredictable hours. Maria is convinced that a lot of pressure can be taken off families by changing the working week from five days to four days, by offering flexi-time and by giving workers ways of controlling their time. "We're looking at ways of controlling work, not by controlling people, but by controlling the flow of work - making work agreements according to tasks, not time," she says.
If the Portuguese can do it, why can't the Irish? With our economy roaring ahead, why should our families remain in the 1950s? Despite our superficial sophistication, we in the Republic are at the bottom of the pile in terms of equality and childcare. Even Portugal is addressing the issue of quality of life by realising that it isn't something money alone can buy - it has to be supported by social initiatives. Of course, such thinking will remain pie-in-the-sky in this country until fathers start insisting that their roles as parents be recognised by the State and by their employers. There's no point in mothers asking. We've been doing that for 20 years.