Will online dream house fare well from a reality check?

Even an attractively priced, undiscovered gem – the house di tutti houses – won't cause us to rush, writes DON MORGAN

I HAVE TO 'fess up at this point – my search for a house was held up by life. Life, it seems, is highly inconvenient when it comes to wanting to get on with living. You have a hankering for some mooching? Life pops up and blows your dreams of watching Countdownout of the water with an afternoon of wading through Tesco's particular brand of grimness.

I wanted to have a look at our new dream house, but of all the phone calls I made when trying to ratchet up my phone bill, the one call I didn’t make was to the agent who has said gaff on his books. Nonetheless, the hunt goes on, whether life lets us or not.

The house we love is around the corner from our pad in Fundrum, and no, we don’t want to make an offer on the guard’s house of the Mental Hospital, despite its prime location and reasonable condition.

Not far from there, however, is the house di tutti houses! Too good to be true? Not one bit of it. We've viewed it several times, none of which have involved crossing the house's threshold. Online, we've had a good look and apart from the hospital green walls, the place looks like we could rough it, if roughing it were necessary.

The back garden appears to be immense, with enough length to land a Hercules C-130. The need for this particular feature is low, given that any future troop surge in Afghanistan is unlikely to involve a little known access route via D14.

On the inside, the rooms appear to be large and bright – colours have been considered, furniture placed in corners, all of which is imaginary and in the realm of aspiration. For me the main feature is the relatively good condition of the wooden floors, which may have been replaced at some stage or been the subject of good maintenance. Given that it’s Ireland, I suspect the former. And the price? 550k.

Maybe there’s a deal to be had. The nice agent I spoke to when I called into the estate agent’s office gave the impression that it had been on the market for some time, so anything is possible. And the images online suggested that this might be an undiscovered gem.

For a long time we didn’t know where this house was located. When I was told where it was by the agent, I unfortunately got distracted by something – a buzzing fly, or a balloon out on the street. I’m a guy for God’s sake.

Having no inkling as to where it was, imagine my joy when we came across it one day in the well worn format of a second gear snoop, as we cruised the streets of south central Dublin. It’s not the first house we’ve taken a peek at in this manner either; we’ve viewed so many houses using a style more akin to South Central LA. So well known have we become for our drive-by’s, that the FBI even questioned us on our whereabouts on the night Tupac Shakur was shot.

Pictures can be deceptive, and so it was with this place. The house is grey, semi-detached and as ordinary as Keira Knightley’s screen presence. To be honest, many people would be forgiven for not taking a second look at it. It’s so flanked by sub art deco oddities that its own qualities are drowned out in the madness of its context. It’s a traditional home for our relatively traditional notion of a home.

What makes it an exciting prospect is that it’s a solid looking build, has a homely feel, and the size and conditioning means that we could, if we made a successful bid on it, move in with relative ease. I still haven’t called the agent, I’m having an Anne-of-Cleeves moment. Henry VIII had her shipped over as the first ever mail order bride. He was horrified to discover she wasn’t like she was in the picture, and so sent her away. I don’t care if the house is plain. But its aspect is wrong, so will there be enough to compensate? Even an attractively priced, undiscovered gem facing the wrong way won’t cause us to rush. We’ll take a look and get a better picture.