Struggle to cope at a time of great joy

SOMETIMES WE don’t see what’s staring us right in the face. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with postnatal depression (PND).

Like so many mothers with PND, I had been struggling along miserably for months thinking that this was what life must be like for every working mum with two children under three.

Ironically, one of the first articles I wrote fresh out of college was a feature on postnatal depression (or postnatal distress as it was known at the time) for a national paper back in 1995.

I have written on the topic on a couple of other occasions since then but I failed to recognise that I myself was sinking further into the quicksand of PND month by month.

One day when I was feeling particularly low and hopeless, I decided to google “postnatal depression”. I found the PND Ireland website and started to read through the long list of symptoms: fatigue, anxiety, irritability, depression, loss of appetite, loss of enjoyment in life, finding it hard to cope, difficulty concentrating.

I had been struggling with all of these symptoms but it hadn’t occurred to me that I might have PND because I assumed that as with depression, I would have felt low and sad all the time.

However, with postnatal depression you can have good days and bad days or the depression may be worse at particular times of the day, like the morning or evening.

I filled out the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale questionnaire (a widely used screening for PND) and was shocked to find I scored 27 out of a total of 30. The advice was to contact my GP as soon as possible.

Not surprisingly, my GP confirmed my diagnosis. A mother of young children herself, she was very understanding and as well as giving me a prescription for antidepressants, she gave me some advice on getting some “me time”. (Easier said than done, me- thinks).

Instead of being upset by this diagnosis, my predominant feeling was one of profound relief. Relief that the way I had been feeling was not a normal part of motherhood and that I was not going to have to endure months and years of dragging myself through each day just to get to bedtime.

There’s a quote on the PND Ireland website that really struck a chord with me. “Sometimes it feels like life is not worth living, at a time when it should be at its most joyous.”

That was exactly how I felt. Here I was with two beautiful, healthy, amazing children and instead of enjoying life with them, the first year of my youngest baby’s life was one of the hardest I had ever gone through.

At least now I had an answer for what was wrong with me and a solution. Medication for the short term which I had no problem taking if it meant I could begin to function normally again.

And my own newfound secret weapon – reiki, which apparently translates as “spiritually guided life force energy”.

Reiki is a Japanese healing technique that is based on the idea that an unseen life force energy flows through us and keeps us alive. If your life force energy is low, according to reiki, then you are more likely to get sick or feel stress and conversely, if it is high, you are more capable of being happy and healthy.

It certainly seems to be working for me and I feel the old me is coming back. I cannot claim, however, to have any scientific evidence that reiki has helped me.

A recent study carried out by the charity, 4Children, in the UK revealed that as many as 35,000 mothers in England and Wales struggle with postnatal depression every year, but do not seek professional help.

It found that 49 per cent of mothers who had suffered PND did not seek professional help, with first-time mothers less likely than those with several children to do so.

Thousands of women fail to receive prompt treatment due to “serious shortcomings” in the system for referral together with an “over-reliance” on antidepressants and the stigma attached with talking about the condition, according to the study authors.

There is no reason to think the situation is any better for Irish mothers suffering with PND and it may even be worse.

The 4Children study found that 70 per cent of those who went to their GP were prescribed antidepressants while just 41 per cent had access to a talking therapy. It argues that health workers, including GPs, need to do more to recognise and diagnose postnatal depression early.

In this country, the majority of women who are diagnosed with PND by their GP will be offered a prescription for antidepressants and sent on their way.

There is a real need for earlier identification of PND and more support for mothers struggling to battle this illness while also trying to care for babies and young children as best they can.

If you are reading this and think you may have postnatal depression, you need to realise that (a) you are not going insane, (b) there is help out there and (c) you will get through this.

Make an appointment to see your GP, talk about how you feel to those close to you and you will start to see the flicker of light at the end of the tunnel.

There is some useful information and advice on the PND Ireland website as well as discussion forums and chat rooms. The group also holds monthly support meetings on the last Tuesday of every month at Cork University Maternity Hospital in Wilton.

For information or support, go to pnd.ie or e-mail support@pnd.ie or call 021-4923162