A little patience will get tumble tot back in bath

JOHN SHARRYanswers readers' questions

Q My daughter, who is just 11 months old, slipped in the bath the other day and got a scare. I was right there with her at the time so she was fine, just a bit upset. However, now she does not want to get in the bath anymore. I don’t want to force the issue with her, but what can I do to reintroduce the bath to her? I have taken now to washing her with a cloth, which is fine, but I would like to get her back in the water – she used to love it so much, especially when I had her in with her three-year-old sister.

A A young child can be easily put off bath time after a fright such as slipping or getting water in their eyes. The good news is that with reassurance, fears do tend to fade over time and your daughter should be able to return to having a bath. However, it is important to be patient and you are right to take a break from having a full bath for the moment.

Forcing the issue could get you into unnecessary conflict and might increase your daughter’s fears. As a result, I would suggest you continue with washing her with a cloth until she shows signs she is ready to give the bath another go.

You could continue to have a bath time with her older sister and have her nearby without any pressure for her to get in and take part. That way she can see her sister splashing and enjoying herself and this could begin to remove the fear for her. Be patient, and proceed slowly at her pace.

She might first show interest in the bath, by watching her sister happily or by looking in the water. The more you are relaxed and communicating a happy feeling about bath time, the better – singing songs together as you watch her sister bathe can all help.

Proceed gradually

If she continues to show fear or reluctance to get in the bath, you can proceed even more gradually by first getting her used to playing with water again – perhaps by setting her up with a small basin of water and a few favourite bath toys, or taking her to the paddling pool at the swimming pool (if she enjoyed this before).

You could also remove the water from the bath and place her in it to play with a few of the toys she likes. If it helps, you could get in the bath with her and only gradually add the water once she is settled and having fun. A patient and gradual, child-centred approach like this should help her overcome her fears and get back into enjoying bath time with her sister.

Q My son was three last month and he refuses to have his hair washed. He will happily have a bath and loves playing in the water, but once I try to wash his hair he will stand up and scramble to get out of the bath.

Usually, I give up trying but his hair becomes so matted that occasionally I force the issue and this ends up in a mess, with his hair half-done and him very upset. I don’t like doing this at all. Is there any way that I can help him to accept or even like having his hair washed?

A The first thing to do is to take a step back from the problem and to try to understand what it is he does not like about having his hair washed. For most young children, they don’t like the sensation of water going in their eyes – which triggers a reflex fear of being submerged.

For others, the shampoo can irritate their eyes, though this can be avoided by using a no-tears baby shampoo.

The important thing is to try to explain to your son about the purpose of hair washing and then to coach him in doing it in a way that does not upset him and which he is in control of, for example, by holding his head back and closing his eyes so the water keeps well away from his face.

Given his age it can be helpful to explain this using a picture book or by re-enacting it with some dolls or figures. For example, using a doll, you could tell the story of a dashing prince with long shiny hair that had become dirty and needed cleaning.

You could show him how to wash the doll’s hair and enact the doll holding his head back to make sure the water stays away from his face.

If he has an older sister or brother, you can show this happening “live” when you wash their hair.

The goal is to help him feel reassured and in control when you wash his hair.

Fun distraction

In addition, once you start to wash his hair, you can employ some fun distractions, whether you give him a special toy or show him how his soapy hair can be turned into spikes or shaped like a shark’s fin.

When you pour the water to rinse, you can give him a special face cloth to cover his face or ask him to watch a special rocket in the sky as he holds his head up.

You could make a game of counting down or singing during the time he closes his eyes. Make sure to keep the hair washing quick and followed up with play time in the bath so he gets a nice reward.

Alternatively, you could approach the hair-washing as a gradual step-by-step process. Using a jug and sponge, you could first start with just washing the bottom part of his hair, where there is no chance of water going into his eyes.

If he relaxes about this and you get his co-operation, you can praise and encourage him before trying to move up to wash the crown of his head. Using a jug, you may have to accept having only “partially” washed hair the first few times you do this.

In association with The Irish Times, John Sharry will be presenting a series of public talks on positive family mental health, starting on April 11th. See solutiontalk.ie

Dr John Sharry is a social worker and psychotherapist and director of Parents-Plus charity

Send your queries to healthsupplement@irishtimes.com