MEN'S ISSUE: Face it girls, when it comes to bargain hunting, men are still on top. But if your cutting-edge style is looking a little blunt, this guide to dressing your age should have you looking as sharp as your kids
FACE IT, DAD, you’re not a teenager anymore. So why are you wearing your combats halfway down your bum, sporting an AC/DC T-shirt and toting a Ministry of Sound DJ bag? You need an update, mate, to bring your fashion sense in line with your years.
At a certain stage in a man’s life, he will look in the mirror and see a middle-aged bloke dressed as though he’s on his way to a student disco. Inside, he’s a mature man, with a wealth of experience and wisdom; outside, though, he’s cluelessly trying to cling to a vestige of his former grunge glory. It’s at this stage a man must stop and ask himself, am I dressing my age?
When men hit this turning point, their style can go one of two ways. Some go into total denial, refusing to believe they’re long past the stage of being asked for their ID outside a nightclub. They will rush out to the trendiest shops they can find, and snap up the hot new labels, usually in a size they fit into a decade ago. They buy cool club threads, snazzy Italian teenwear and grungy emo gear, but the overall effect is middle-aged mutant ninja turkey.
Other men, faced with their imminent fashion obsolescence, simply throw in the towel and head straight for the nearest TK Maxx or Penneys, and stock up on sensible, shapeless clothes that make them look like a parish priest on a daytrip to Bundoran. These men have given up on life, and they need immediate intervention before they reach the slippers counter.
There is, however, a third way, and that is to dress your age stylishly without trying to be trendy or rushing to join the oldies.
But dressing with dignity comes at a price – you can’t be cluttering your wardrobe with cheap student tat. You need to buy better quality items that reflect your mature tastes, but you don’t have to remortgage the house to do it. A few smart purchases will get you the key items every man needs in his wardrobe – and face it, girls, when it comes to bargain-hunting, men are still on top.
You need to go for classic shapes. Make sure the material is good quality and will last you a few years; one of the advantages of being older is that you are no longer a slave to seasonal trends.Though ironically, while we’re desperately dolling ourselves up in trendy and completely inappropriate teenwear, the kids are going ga-ga for the styles their fathers wore, snapping up Argyle sweaters, tweed jackets and big woolly scarves to beat the band. Which makes it even more urgent to dress and act your age. You don’t want to be turned away from a swanky restaurant while your kids are ushered to the best table in the house.
Jeans
Jeans will always be a key item in any man’s wardrobe, no matter what age he is. The older you get, though, the more crucial it is to have the right pair of jeans. Avoid jeans with multiple zips, pockets, patches, chains, drawstrings and Batman-style utility belts – go for a simple straight leg jean, with a leg that’s long enough to cover up a good bit of your shoe, but not long enough to drag over the ground and pick up dirt, germs, and other unmentionables. Darker colours are more flattering – light blue might get you mistaken for a member of the Bee Gees.
A lot of the trendier jeans are slung low at the waist, but unless you’re a 20-year-old Italian gigolo, go for one that doesn’t expose your builder’s crack. Equally, there’s no excuse for wearing high-waisted jeans a la Simon Cowell unless you’re 85 and have just had a hip-replacement.
For jeans, the top names are still the best: Ralph Lauren, Hugo Boss, Paul Smith, Armani and Zegna. I found a fab pair of Timezone jeans in a shop on Lake Garda (actually, my wife found them) – it pays to keep your eyes peeled. If you want to push the boat out pricewise, try a pair of Dior Homme jeans in Japanese denim with a slimline leg and a higher cut at the back – pricey but near-perfect.
Shirts
The ultimate menswear statement. Shirts are the essence of a man, his mantle, his mojo. Shirts are a modern man’s chain mail – and if we are wearing the right one, nothing in the world can penetrate our outer layer of cool. Shirts are versatile. They can be worn in plain colours or in wild, psychedelic hues. They can be tucked into your trousers or left hanging nonchalantly out. They miraculously knock that dumpy torso of yours into shape and knock years off you without the need for invasive surgery. A good shirt is a man’s best friend – just don’t let it get dog-eared or mangy looking and it will look after you for years to come. Guys don’t like discussing their feelings with each other, but they’ll openly admire each other’s shirts, and compliment each other on their sartorial tastes. We notice other guys’ shirts, and we like it when other guys notice ours. But that’s as far as it goes. We won’t run out and buy the exact same shirt, but we will note the brand. If by chance two guys meet and they’re wearing the same shirt, they won’t be even slightly peeved, but will quip, “love your taste, dude,” or “great minds think alike”.
For me, Ted Baker shirts are a great buy – colourful, well-shaped and not too pricey. I also love a UK brand called One, available in Gentlemen Please in Blackrock and Malahide in Dublin. Each style comes in a limited edition of 500 individually numbered shirts, so you can truly feel like you’ve found your individual style.
Celebrity stuff
Young lads love to dress like their favourite popstar – hence all the Morrissey mimics in the 1980s, the Cobain clones of the 1990s and the emo kids currently moping around shopping malls. So it’s no wonder that popstars are starting up their own clothing brands, and marketing them to impressionable teens. It seems that every female celebrity has her own fragrance or a fashion collection.
Lately, though, the men have muscled into the celeb fashion scene, with everyone from Liam Gallagher and P Diddy to David Beckham bringing out their own line of blokes’ clobber or fragrance. We all dressed like Liam Gallagher back in the 1990s, but we soon grew out of it, so why would we want some of his Pretty Green brand of print T-shirts, cashmere tops and leather jackets? Approach all celebrity lines with caution – you might find yourself guilty by association of crimes against fashion.
At least the younger Gallagher has moved on from his big baggy parka days, and his collection reflects his current personal style – lean, mean and understated, more Definitely Maybethan Be Here Now. No one buys Oasis records any more, so perhaps Liam's move into fashion is a canny one.
Coats, jackets and suits
Your choice of coat or jacket reflects where you see yourself in life. Are you still wearing air-force bomber jackets 25 years after Top Gun? Still wearing that baby-blue Adidas jacket with the go-faster stripes? You need to cut off that umbilical cord to the past and look towards a warm, well-covered future.
Bigger is better when it comes to coats and jackets – anything that sits higher than your shirt-tail is too short. Long wool coats are the only thing for winter, and a light, well-cut medium-length jacket is all you need for summer.
A good suit is crucial all year round, and if you want to be taken more seriously in the workplace, think about changing your dress-down Friday look. Remember, suits aren’t just for funerals and court appearances.
M&S has teamed up with exclusive French designer Jsen Wintle for its Autograph collection. It offers well-made pieces including grey wool suits and leather jackets at reasonable prices.
With its blue wool overcoat with a grey lapel and smart ankle boots Topman is at last becoming worthy of its first syllable.
Grooming
The top of your head might be turning into a desert, but everywhere else on your body is a jungle, and the older you get the more you’ll need a machete. Regular grooming is vital to keep the undergrowth under control, particularly around the nose, eyebrows, ears and neck. Every man of a certain age needs a Remington or Philips grooming kit.
If you’re lucky enough to have a bit left on top, then you need to get it cut every six weeks. Middle-aged men’s hair goes through various stages as it grows out. It starts off looking a bit like Chris Martin – slightly unkempt, but still kind of boyish and endearing. Then it goes into the Chevy Chase stage, where the sides dangle like curtains while the top starts to flatten.
Finally, it hits the critical stage – Jack Nicholson in The Shining, only scarier. When you get to this stage, you'll need to head straight to the barber's before the next full moon.
Shoes
Every man needs at least one pair of classic black leather shoes in their wardrobe – get down to Arnotts, BTs or House of Fraser during the next round of sales, and stock up on a few pairs. Trainers should only be worn when jogging, working out or training – that’s why they’re called trainers, duh.
It’s also acceptable to wear casual, sporty shoes such as Merrell or Campers – go for the simpler designs, and leave the uber-cool pairs for the kids. Under no circumstances should you ever wear men’s Ugg boots. Also, avoid wispy, thin shoes with a one-millimetre heels – you’re a man, not an elf.
Watches, ties, cufflinks and accessories
A man's relationship with his watch is as complex as his relationship with his father – in fact, the two are inextricably intertwined. Most men can relate to the scene in Pulp Fictionwhere Bruce Willis risks getting his head blown off to retrieve a watch bequeathed to him by his dead dad.
A good watch is a badge of adulthood, an outward sign that we’ve grown up and actually do care what time it is. Don’t wait until retirement to get the ultimate watch – invest in a good watch now and it’ll keep you up with the times.