Dear Roe,
My partner has been taking cocaine the past while. I take it too when he has it, and it has turned into a habit nearly every second weekend. I have given him an ultimatum, and said I will ask him to move out if this continues as I cannot resist it and we are as bad as each other. I am totally sick of it and really want to break the cycle. He just can’t help himself.
I asked him to go to the doctor and tell him everything. He went to the doctor but did not tell him about the cocaine habit. He suffers with depression and the doctor prescribed antidepressants but he has not taken them yet. I have also tried to encourage him to go to the gym as he has put on a bit of weight but he won’t. I think he just needs to have a hobby or focus on something else to get out of the habit of taking cocaine. I am really worried about the damage we are both doing to our health. I want to break the cycle. Please help.
Get out of this relationship. I have a huge amount of sympathy for anyone battling with an addiction – but your boyfriend isn’t the only one doing that. You are also battling an addiction that he is actively enabling, encouraging and worsening. Your boyfriend has all the information he needs about how to seek help, what steps he needs to take, and how his drug use is harming not only himself but you too. But right now, he is unwilling or unable to do anything to help himself, and he is actively harming you through his actions.
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Staying in this relationship with him will not break the pattern, for either of you. Leaving the relationship will break your pattern of regular shared drug use, and will break his pattern of ignoring the effects of his drug use by showing him that it is having a real, tangible effect on his life. Don’t leave only in the hope that he’ll quit for you, because he may not. Leave because you need to protect yourself, you need support in tackling your own drug use, and because you cannot get well with someone who can’t take care of themselves, let alone you. Look up information on drug use support, talk to your doctor, find yourself a good therapist – and if you want, you can (again) give that information to your partner. But go. You can wish him well and hope that he can recover from this, but go.
