The name's Bond . . . Max Von Bond

Stripping to your undies in front of hundreds of baying burlesque fans is hardly usual behaviour for a journalist, but it was all in a day's work for BRIAN O'CONNELLwhen he took to the stage of the Burlesque and Cabaret Social Club

I’D JUST BEEN introduced to Bella, who was rummaging through an old suitcase trying to get undressed as methodically as possible, all the while checking her hair and make-up. Carefully, she cut little pieces of sticky tape and affixed them to the back of what looked to me like small decorative bobbles you might find hanging off a couch in a Mike Leigh film.

Each little piece of handmade material was packed with sticky tape, and then delicately affixed to her breasts. We both admired (professionally speaking, of course) the results and continued to make small talk and general chitchat about everything from music festivals to the weather. Who knew putting on nipple tassels makes for a great conversation opener?

This was the first of several surprises on Friday night as I became, for one night only, Max Von Bond, a male burlesque performer at the monthly Burlesque and Cabaret Social Club in the Sugar Club. It was one step further away from my latent Catholic inhibitions and, while I drew the line at the full monty, the act would require me to undress in front of a live and boisterous audience. Look away now Mammy, I’m about to bring shame on the family once again.

The Burlesque and Cabaret Social Club is run by Karl Byrne and has been on the go for almost two years. Once a month, local and international performers take to the stage, performing classics such as Diamonds are Forever, and introducing a host of alter egos who end up in various stages of partial nudity. Audience members are met by a hostess in tuxedo and fishnet tights, and shown to their seats. The majority of those at the gig last Friday night got into the spirit of things themselves by dressing up in corsets, 1940s ball gowns or braces and top hats for the men. Mostly the audience profile was female and young couples, and I saw only one audience member – an elderly gentleman – sitting on his own. Byrne describes the show as “more tease than sleaze” and says that when he first began to get involved in burlesque acts in the early noughties in Dublin, the scene was much more underground.

“When I started back in 2003, all the talent came from the UK and the audiences were small. It took a while to build up the following, but it has increased since then. We now regularly get several hundred at our club nights. Most performers do it for a chance to have fun onstage. The great thing is that it is a very non-judgmental type of performance. The audience cheers the same way for skinny guys and curvy girls, so long as you are creative and have fun.”

Next month, one of Dublin’s first burlesque festivals takes place in several venues from September 23rd- 25th, further evidence of the growing appetite for this type of entertainment.

I had been given about two hours training for my act, which would see me take on the persona of James Bond, assassinate a Russian soldier, take my kit off and steal his uniform. Bit of a different vibe to staying in and watching the Late Late. Jonathan Walsh, aka Fabio Ego Deflato, one of the more experienced male performers, would be my accomplice, and I was assured the several hundred-strong crowd was always supportive of new acts. Making their debut along with me were a few other performers. Some had been to burlesque classes, and I was surprised to find that the emphasis was on the performance rather than the voyeuristic element. Hostess Mrs Epiphany Demeanour, who has been performing for about seven years, says she first ended up on stage because someone was short a performer for a show. "My costume tonight is top hat and tails, stilettos, cane, white tie and fishnets. We're all here for the love of it, not to release any inner exhibitionist. My mother tells me when I was a child I was so shy I would hide behind the furniture if people came to the house."

In one corner of the unisex changing area, Brian, aka Grim Squeaker, who was one of four male performers on the bill, was applying a skull face with paint and make-up. Close by, another performer was having latex painted onto her body, while first- time performer Loredana Cedica was trying on a full body lycra suit. Everyone seemed completely at ease with each other’s partial nudity and it was, I have to admit, very refreshing. “I first went to a burlesque show and from then on I joined classes in a dance school in town,” Loredana explained, “This is completely outside my comfort zone. My act tonight is my first-ever strip tease. I feel very nervous, but I have rehearsed in front of the mirror at home. My father was supportive and wanted to come to the gig. I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

My costume consisted of a tuxedo with pants held together by narrow strips of velcro down each side, lent to me by Fabio. His mother is a seamstress so she sows all his costumes. Handy that. I had a replica handgun, sunglasses and wore the most ludicrous pair of boxer shorts I could find. They contained a red cherry design – I bought them in a fit of liberation on holidays somewhere and of course never wore them.

I was to enter the auditorium from the back, move through the crowd, hop on stage and then “kill” Fabio. The music started, Karl Byrne introduced the act by saying no male journalist in Ireland had ever taken their burlesque “research” to this level. The crowd whooped and hollered, wolf-whistled and screamed in a very frightening, primal way. My heart pounded – what in the name of God was I doing here?

Once on stage, there was only one thing for it and that was to get down to my boxers as quickly as possible and then scamper. I had the shirt off in seconds, and then removed my belt. The pants came next, but the damn velcro just wasn’t giving up. I got half of them off, and the other half clung to my frame. It was as if the Lord Jesus had somehow performed another miracle and turned himself into the last remaining strip of velcro holding my dignity intact and he was now hanging on for my salvation.

Eventually though the pants came away and I stood on stage in my boxer shorts, feeling both exposed and liberated. The crowd was very understanding and  roared in approval with chants of “Max Von Bond, Max Von Bond”. As I walked off stage, some audience members were even shouting for me to show them my gun. At least, I think that’s what they were saying.

The Burlesque and Cabaret Social Club is held on the third Friday of every month at the Sugar Club, Leeson St, Dublin. burlesquecabaretsocialclub.com