Books

In praise of tenderness

Gabriel Rosenstock reviews Training In Tenderness by Dzigar Kongtrul, who visits Ireland shortly

Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche will be in Dublin for a book signing and public programme from August 10th to 12th

Gabriel Rosenstock
Thu Aug 2 2018 - 05:24

I occasionally blog the words of the Buddha, in Irish transcreation, and allow the reader to listen to the original Pali, below:

[ Tam nadihi vijanatha: sobbhesu padaresu ca, sananta yanti kusobbha, tunhiyanti mahodadhi. ]

Foghlaim an méid seo ó na huiscí:
is glórach iad na srutháiníní
sna scoilteanna sléibhe agus sna haibhéisí,
na haibhneacha móra is séimh í a ngluaiseacht

To paraphrase in English: ‘learn this much from the waters:/ little streams in mountain clefts and ravines/ make such a lot of noise/ great rivers move silently’.

So, is it all about quietism? If so, the Buddhists of Myanmar need to learn a thing or two! But no, it is not at all about quietism. For the Buddhist, it’s really about everything, how we live our lives, how we get to know ourselves and others. And there’s a skill involved, as in anything else.

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Specifically, this little pocket book is about tsewa which the book's subtitle defines as 'the radical openness of the heart that can change the world.' Today there are lots of people who believe that to change the world, change must first happen within ourselves, allowing the ripple effect of that change to manifest in endless ways.

Is tsewa as good an instrument as any other to effect this change – or an even better instrument than most? Do we need a Tibetan version of something which must surely be common to all religions – and, indeed, the basis of good neighbourliness? Pope Francis (we are reminded in the foreword) called for 'a revolution of tenderness' in a TED talk).

So, the more tenderness gets approval and positive votes on social media the less chance that stridency can dominate the world. Is that it? But social media contributes to the stridency and endless verbiage that is smothering us, even when approving of the virtues of silence, tenderness and all the rest of it.

We seem to live in a world of constant questioning and debate, wondering if what we are listening to or watching is fake or not. Of course, Buddha himself – were he roaming around today – would instantly recognise how fake everything is: a world of maya and illusion, including the fake self we project as purporting to be who we are. This is the crux of the matter. What exactly is real beyond the illusory, evanescent world?

Pema Chodron, the American Buddhist nun, writing in the foreword, quotes her teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche as saying, ‘All beings have the capacity for warm-hearted feelings. Everybody loves somebody or something, even if it’s just tortillas.’

The portly St Thomas Aquinas was not acquainted with tortillas but he had this much to say about our appetites and desires: ‘The true and the beautiful are spiritually possessed, the true by intellection, the beautiful by apprehension; and the appetites which desire to possess them, the intellectual and aesthetic appetites, are therefore spiritual appetites.’ Whew! After all that, let’s get to Dzigar Kongtrul, who writes in a more conversational style than Aquinas, and see if his message has relevance to our lives.

The author reminds us of a simple truth, rephrasing classic Buddhist wisdom, when he says, ‘Each of us is like a hungry, homeless person who doesn’t realize there’s an enormous treasure buried under the ground where he sleeps. The warmth of our heart is that buried treasure, buy we can’t enjoy it because we lack the wisdom and skillful means to recognize it, appreciate it and harness its power’.

This is where the guru steps in – if we allow him, or her – because a true guru has no other desire than to awaken the guru within and lead us to self-knowledge and self-empowerment, discovering we have more than enough grace to change the world. You have to believe it’s possible or you won’t even give it a try – but even if you’re a skeptic, what’s to lose by opening up to tenderness? Everything, say those who have been hurt or disappointed, disappointed in faith, for instance, or in relationships.

This book of a hundred or so pages – written with charm, simplicity and tenderness – offers an amazing cure if you are suffering or disillusioned at this moment: "When you awaken to your true nature, you will realize the same level of tsewa as the Buddha, who cares for all sentient beings like a mother for her only child." That's a big claim. I have a hunch that it's true.
Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche will be in Dublin for a book signing and public programne on August 10th-12th. For more information and to register, visit ti.to/vdkr-europe or email europe@mangalashribhuti.org.

[ Gabriel Rosenstock  ]