When bad show equals time to go

It's interesting to see that Charlie McCreevy is of the view that Kildare men don't resign. Pushed, shoved, demoted or asked to go maybe, but resign, never. It seems to be a badge of honour these days to preside over a complete mess and announce to all and sundry that you'll stay at the helm regardless of how bad your performance might have been. At least Mr McCreevy's monumental error of judgment has caused political, not economic, embarrassment, which is a plus for a finance minister.

And if it has the effect of making the EIB look more closely at its method of appointing people, then maybe he has actually achieved something. But the bottom line is that most people would rate Charlie's performance as fairly abysmal over the last few months and worthy of some kind of censure. (The jury is, obviously, still out on his ability as Minister for Finance.)

Naturally when you preside over a ragingly bullish economy you think you're doing a brilliant job. To hell with the left-wing pinkos and creeping Jesuses, even if they do have a marginal point about things all ending in tears! But monumental lapses in judgment aren't resigning offences these days, it seems. Nor, in this country, is presiding over abysmal share performance while raking in performance bonuses yourself.

I won't go over old ground as far as Irish companies are concerned, but it's heartening to see that, in the States at least, bad performance equals time to go. When Bausch & Lomb issued a profits warning a couple of weeks ago, they fired the chief executive officer, Mr Carl Sassano, at the same time.

Before I had my eyes blasted by laser technology I spent a fortune on Bausch & Lomb products to disinfect my contact lenses. Being the kind of gadget-loving girl that I am, I also spent a fortune on all sorts of heating devices and state-of-the art bacteria-zapping gizmos to keep my lenses germ-free.

In fact I used to scare myself half to death when I'd wake up in the middle of the night and peer myopically at a selection of red and green lights glowing across the room. It was like having my own personal episode of the X- files in the bedroom. Anyway, I was never a great lens wearer and had the unfortunate habit of dropping them onto the floor at the most inconvenient moments.

The laser treatment put an end to all that sterilising solutions palaver and so, as far as my money was concerned, Bausch & Lomb was on a loser. It seems that people like me are now costing the industry a lot of money. And so are people who are buying disposable and longwear lenses. The contact lens market hasn't expanded in recent years, competition has grown and margins are tight. Baush & Lomb failed in its bid for competitor Wesley Jessen last May and the scene was set for earnings per share to come in around the $2.72 mark against forecasts which, in some cases, were as high as $3.80. Naturally, the market went into shock. The shares nearly halved in two days and Carl Sassano walked the plank as a result.

Meanwhile, in Heuston, the chief executive of Azurix, a water company, was also clearing out her desk. Rebecca Mark resigned to pursue investing opportunities - which obviously don't include sinking her money into Azurix.

Or maybe they do now, because the stock is down 75 per cent since the initial public offering in June 1999. Talking about strategic and financial disappointments - the company let her go and appointed John Garrison instead.

And, of course, Andy Mitchell - Alta Vista's managing director - was another one who loaded his belongings into a black refuse sack and locked the door behind him, as the company admitted that there was no prospect of its fixed-fee unlimited Internet access service (to which a quarter of a million users had already signed up) ever starting. Blaming BT might have seemed a good idea at the time, but Andy's cards were already marked.

If it's not working, you've got to fix it. Bringing in new blood won't always solve the problem, but at least it means that you're doing something about it. And it means that you've admitted that there's something wrong too - which many company directors seem to find very difficult to do. Paying the price for failure is something that they find it even more difficult to do.

Directors never want to resign. It's always somebody else's fault. Faults still abound at my old stomping ground of Marks & Spencer. This company is either going to go to the wall (or at least be bought out) or become spectacularly successful once again when one of its ideas finally works. Unfortunately the new management team (well, relatively new, I suppose) still seems to be floundering. Good notions like the Autograph and Agent Provacteur ranges haven't been enough to lift the company, and still more brilliant meals-for-one in the Food Hall only serve to make that part of the store look like a real pearl in the middle of paste.

Their latest ploy, advertising clothes by using a normal-sized woman, sounds great in theory. But if the clothes are as boring as they've been over the past few years, they could run the gamut of sizes from eight to 18 and still not sell any of them.

I don't think Luc Vandevelde is ready to empty his desk yet but, if the share price drops any more, it'll become an option. I was really interested to see that one of the non-executive directors is former spy chief, Stella Rimington. What kind of clothes is she going to recommend they stock up on, I wonder? Stockings with a place to keep a small gun, perhaps? And how will she react to the poor performance of the share price? If I was Luc I'd keep my eyes open!

Despite its difficulties Marks & Spencer actually has quite a good website, although the shopping online service is, sadly, restricted to UK customers only. I don't know whether that's good or bad. If I could shop online I know that the freezer would be groaning under the weight of ethnic meals, while the cupboard would be packed full of their gorgeous cookies, even if I gave the gun-toting stockings a miss. What would be good for the share price would cause a serious dent in my bank balance. But it would almost be worth it to see the store rise from the ashes again.