Winger's high strike rate in every sense

Leinster v Agen: The late, great George Best came up with some real humdinger excuses for being M.I.A during a distinguished yet tragically short-lived career but "I lost my passport so I cannot play International rugby" tops them all.

This beauty belongs to the equally exceptional Agen and Fiji winger Rupeni Caucaunibuca.

Even in Caucau's (as most call him) current state (at least a stone overweight at 106 kilos) he remains a devastating force. In round two of the European Cup he weaved through the Gloucester defence creating three tries in the shock 32-26 win at Kingsholm.

But within a month the other side of Caucau's erratic nature became evident when he missed the Pacific Islanders Test against Wales - claiming he left his passport in Gloucester. Other quotes had him stating a desire to play for Agen during the international window.

The passport was miraculously rediscovered (or maybe just reissued) in time for the Scottish game at Murrayfield on November 18th - where he cut a largely disinterested figure accept for one mesmerising run. He also got on the end of a move to ensure a ridiculously high try per game ratio remained intact.

Within hours he was on a flight back to France, citing personal reasons for his inability to remain in camp for the last international at Lansdowne Road. That same weekend he scored a try for Agen in their victory over Montpellier.

This is nothing new. In 2005 the Fijian Rugby Union banned Caucau for a year after he missed the international season (The excuse? His wife had an infected tooth) but it was reduced to 10 months when he apologised to coach Wayne Pivac.

Despite the multiple flaws, only flying All Black cousins Joe Rokocoko and Sitiveni Sivivatu can claim to be his wing peers.

A native of the tropical town of Bua, Caucau was announced on the global stage at the 2003 World Cup in Australia. Dr Jekyll was accompanied, as ever, by Mr Hyde.

In the opening 61-18 defeat to France, he scored a breathtaking pitch length try that included the dismissal of Aurelien Rougerie (the best winger in France) and Nicolas Brusque like they were schoolboys. Moments later he punched Olivier Magne to accelerate a mass brawl and subsequently received a two-game ban. Fiji failed to make the knock out stages despite Caucau's inspirational return that included two tries in a 22-20 defeat to Scotland.

Like any flawed genius, the man divides his own people. In a familiar parallel to Irish football fans, Fijians either love or vilify him. "People say bad things about me, many of them in Fiji," he said in a recent Sunday newspaper.

Caucau can hardly blame Fijians for having an issue with his fickle ways, especially considering an unabashed attempt to become a New Zealand international in November 2003. "I believe I have done my part for Fiji," he was quoted at the time. "I am switching allegiance and going for a spot in the All Blacks team."

Caucau clearly failed to read the IRB small print as the rules regarding players switching countries mid-career had been tightened up. He has togged out seven times at international level (one for the Pacific Islanders) and has 10 tries.

Agen, unlike the Auckland Blues franchise before them, have been patient with their cantankerous winger mainly due to the 33 tries that placed him top of the strikers' charts for the past two seasons.

Caucaunibuca has never met Shane Horgan in hand-to-hand combat but the stiff arm tactics won't wash with the Meath native. Still, many a world class winger has eaten the portly Fijian's dust so Horgan may require a little cover defence from his friends.

Presuming, of course, Caucau locates that damn passport.