Quotes of the week

"It looks the same old Cole to me."

- Glenn Hoddle explains why he didn't pick Andy Cole for his England squad last week, despite his recent goal-scoring exploits. Glenn really knows how to build up his players' self-belief, doesn't he?

"At the moment we're sure that we're capable of doing well even without Gigi."

- Gianluca Vialli (tongue in cheek?) reckons Chelsea will continue to thrive, even without injured striker Pierluigi Casiraghi (he who scored just once in 15 appearances this season - and that was against the Liverpool defence).

ITV Reporter: "Now you've had a night to sleep on it and things are sinking in what's the mood like?"

David James (Liverpool goalkeeper): "Well I think six points is good, I can still drive - with a ban obviously I'd have to get a taxi in."

Reporter: "I'm talking about the managerial situation at Liverpool." James: "Oh sorry, I thought you were talking about me being in court yesterday."

"Van den Hauwe hasn't had much to do, has he?"

- Century Radio (Nottingham) co-commentator, and Forest legend, Larry Lloyd spots long-since-retired-footballer Pat Van den Hauwe on the field during Wednesday's League Cup tie between Manchester United and Nottingham Forest at Old Trafford. Or did he mean Van der Gouw, United's goalkeeper on the night?

"The way Forest have played tonight is unforgivable, it's been just STUPID. There's Jean-Louis picking his nose."

- Larry Lloyd (again), sounding like he's had enough of watching Nottingham Forest.

"Once in Norway I went up to him, put my arm around him and asked him how he was, just so I could put a lemon on his shoulder without him noticing. It was a silly joke and gave the lads a good laugh, but George was not happy about it. He was even less happy when Niall Quinn once put a condom there."

- Tony Adams on life at Arsenal under the humourless George Graham. Imagine not seeing the funny side of someone putting a lemon and a condom on your shoulder? Huh.

"Now a problem has arisen with a minor club who won't release their players - I cannot understand their behaviour".

- A UEFA spokesman gets all upset with "little" Charlton when they insisted on playing Mark Kinsella (Republic of Ireland) and Sasa Illic (Yugoslavia) in Saturday's game against Middlesbrough. D'you reckon he'd talk about Juventus, Real Madrid or Bayern Munich like that?

"Sometimes he phones me when he sees a couple of results haven't gone my way. When I ring he always says, `Where are you?' I reply, `I'm just on the edge of a cliff, in my car.' If we've had a poor run, I make a bubbling sound, and tell him, `I've gone over. I'm in the water now'."

- Gordon Strachan on his rather odd phone conversations with Howard Wilkinson.