Puzzling logic on qualifiers

Mary Hannigan's Planet Football: While it was difficult to quibble with Sky pundit Charlie Nicholas's assessment of the draw Scotland received for the European Championship qualifiers - "I think Walter (Smith) will be on the phone to the Samaritans" - we were a little puzzled by the logic behind his thinking on Scotland's prospects against one of their opponents

"We have never met Georgia, but we got a late winner against Lithuania in the Euro 2004 qualifiers." Your point is, Charlie?

Lawrie Sanchez was positively buoyant about Northern Ireland's draw, declaring, "There are a lot of points to be garnished from the group". As Michael, the man who alerted us to this response, asked: "Do you think he should have a word with Delia Smith?"

Finally, the Guardian quoted Steve Staunton speaking about one of the Republic of Ireland's opponents, Germany: "Like ourselves (they) have been in transition, but they still qualified for the World Cup."

Bobby? Tell him.

Quotes of the week

"Eriksson was guilty of naivety of massive proportions, which is the same as being an idiot. If you meet a geezer on a boat wearing a blanket and you talk to him as though you have known him for years, you deserve all you get."

- Leyton Orient chairman Barry Hearn has a point.

"When we were going to put Roy on he disappeared to the toilet."

- Gordon Strachan revealing what effect watching Celtic is having on Keane.

"There has been no dialogue whatsoever between Manchester City and ourselves. The story is not true."

- Liverpool chief executive Rick Parry rubbishing suggestions the club was about to re-sign Robbie Fowler.

"At Aston Villa I have found a coach who hasn't understood all the smoothness of French football."

- Eric Djemba-Djemba, alleging David O'Leary lacks a certain je ne sais quoi.

"The likelihood of lightning striking twice in the same place is slim. But in the same breath I would say that at 12 to 1 to win the match we represent good value in a three-horse race."

- Orient manager Martin Ling on the FA Cup game against Charlton. As Martyn, the man who sent us the quote, put it: "Who is the third horse? Shergar?"

Assistant referee's revenge

It's not often assistant referees (or linesmen, in old currency) bite back after being on the receiving end from a member of a crowd but Neil Yates, hit by a cigarette lighter thrown from the crowd during Blackpool's 4-2 win over Doncaster, used his column on a Burnley website to do just that: "It makes you wonder why we do it. I consoled myself with the fact they (the Doncaster supporters) had taken a day off work, spent six hours on congested motorways, eaten less than edible pies for tea, sat on a freezing cold, open stand for two hours, paid up to £20 for the privilege of seeing their team perform abysmally, and get beaten by a team of donkey-lashers. And to cap it all they wouldn't get home for closing time." Good man Neil. The Football League, incidentally, have politely asked him to quit writing the column. They gave no reason for their request.

More quotes of the week

"I was a Liverpool fan as a kid."

- Just as Manchester United fans were beginning to warm to him Rio Ferdinand goes and blows it.

"I've heard that we've apparently put a £200,000 price tag on Ulises. We've put nothing on him. We've never put a figure on him because we've never had to put a figure on him."

- David O'Leary on the continuing flood of queries about the availability of Ulises de La Cruz.

"Big Pete stands on the oche, stretches his arm out and just places the dart in the treble 20. It should be illegal."

- John Terry revealing that goalkeeper Petr Cech hasn't quite got to grips with the rules of darts.

"It is as if I had been told I had just lost my mother. I have resigned. I am leaving."

- Arsenal and Togo's Emmanuel Adebayor taking being left on the subs' bench for the African Nations Cup game against Congo quite well.

"It's hoose, in much the same way the Scots say house."

- A Dutch Embassy official in London explaining to the Telegraph how you pronounce "Guus", as in Hiddink.

Horsing around

You know the way opposing supporters sometimes cruelly liken Ruud "why the long face?" van Nistelrooy to a horse? It was with some regret, then, we read this match report extract from the official Manchester United website on the League Cup win over Blackburn Rovers (thank you Cian): "In the second half United came out strongest. Van Nistelrooy was again denied his second foal, forcing a magnificent full-stretch save from Friedel on 49 minutes."

Even more quotes of the week

"The team was not fantastic and I did not have very much good service. I felt I had to do everything - it became tiring."

- Nicolas Anelka, still not pining for Manchester City.

"The opposition dive before I approach them and the referees are quick to show a card to me, as if they're thinking: 'here comes that killer from Real Madrid'."

- Thomas Gravesen, having a deadly time in Spain.

"Nobody really expected it to be honest, but I am not surprised by the outcome."

- Alan Shearer on the news Sven-Goran Eriksson is to step down after the World Cup, news that predictably came out of the blue.

"I've a spare room so he can come stay with me. However, when I said to my wife he was a 6ft 2in, smooth talking young Frenchman, there was a twinkle in her eye, so we'll maybe find him digs."

- Falkirk manager John Hughes on his reservations about putting up new signing Jean Francois Lescsinel.

Bleiberg backs Bleiberg

We mentioned a few weeks ago we'd taken a shine to Miron Bleiberg, the Israeli coach of Australian A League side Queensland Roar, largely because he's a bit of a headbanger. Miron has been under pressure because of poor results so we were pleased to see someone standing up for him. "Miron Bleiberg doesn't have time for those people who are trying to unsettle him. Miron Bleiberg is a good coach who doesn't deserve all the rubbish which has been thrown at him." Who offered Miron such support? Eh, Miron Bleiberg.