This week we doff our bonnets to three players who were a bit down in the dumps barely a month or three ago and who had hit upon glum times at their respective clubs. Now? Well, all's well with the world again and there's a healthy chance they'll turn up for international duty next time with beaming grins on their faces.
Steve Staunton was struggling to get on the Aston Villa subs' bench at the start of the season, never mind in their starting line-up, but now he's convinced John Gregory that he's worth his defensive salt, has become a first team regular again and, on Saturday, was in the team that went top of the Premiership after a 3-2 win over Bolton.
A blooper or two early season made Shay Given (right) as popular with Newcastle fans as Peter Reid, so much so they politely suggested to Bobby Robson ("There's only one Steve Harper") that he be replaced with his deputy. Saturday? Given had a blinder at Goodison Park, where Newcastle beat Everton 3-1, and left the pitch to the strains of "There's only one Shay Given". Curious auld game, all the same.
Jason McAteer? You know his story - a pariah at Blackburn, a goal against Holland, a move to Sunderland and voila, there's a bit of spice in the boy's life again. Highly impressive in his home debut against Arsenal on Saturday, McAteer has only one thing to say about Iran or the United Arab Emirates: "Bring 'em on". As does Clinton Morrison, incidentally. Two goals against Norwich yesterday brought his season's tally for Crystal Palace to 13 in 17 games which, as you know, means he's scored in 76.470588 per cent of his games this season. An impressive stat, rounded up or down.
Sign of the times
Ennis native and long-time chum of Planet Football Richard Burke was, he told us in his email, so shocked "I nearly spilt my cocoa all over my sarong".
"I was watching highlights of the Milan derby on Football Italia on Channel 4 when I noticed the following advertisement at pitchside - OSAMA.com."
"Crikey," we said, almost tipping our mug of Horlicks all over our culottes. But the results of Richard's investigations calmed us.
"I discovered that Osama are makers and distributors of pens and office stationery, official suppliers to Inter and AC." To which we replied: phew.
Roddy Ha Ha Ha
Spotted on Teamtalk on Saturday: "United handed FA Cup away tie - Roddy Doyle's (right) side (Carlisle United) have been drawn away to either non-league Havant and Waterlooville or Barnet following this evening's FA Cup first-round draw. The tie will be played on the weekend of Saturday, November 17th."
If other, em, Commitments prevent Doyle from travelling to the tie, Roddy Collins may go instead.
Byrne-ing with anger
Those of you who follow Sky One's Dreamteam will have seen all hell breaking loose after the second leg of the UEFA Cup tie between Harchester United and Shelbourne at Tolka Park, aired yesterday. Both legs ended 1-1, so the tie went to penalties, Harchester won 5-4 but one of their penalty takers, Danny Rawsthorne, failed a drugs test.
"The script-writers came up with the novel idea of having Shelbourne chief executive Ollie Byrne lodge a protest appeal, of all things," our Dreamteam mole and Shelbourne disciple Fintan informed us.
"This scene was filmed with Ollie playing himself, but had to be re-shot several times because the director wasn't happy that Ollie, being the gentle, sensitive soul that he is, was displaying enough anger and aggression. All this was filmed in Tolka Park just days after mild-mannered Ollie was alleged to have clashed with Derry City fans displaying a flag taunting their former player Pizza Hutton." We can see the headlines now: Placid Ollie Fails Screen Test. (Thanks Fintan).
A Brazilian legend
We half wondered if Ananova.com had made it up, but apparently it's true. For fear of being accused of being smutty we're saying nothing, but read on: "A judge has rejected a lawsuit against a book which says a late Brazilian soccer legend had a large p****. The biography on Garrincha says his ***** was 25 centimetres long, and he was a great lover. His daughters claim the comments are an insult to his memory, but a judge in Rio has found they were complimentary.
"The family of Garrincha made a claim for moral damages against journalist Ruy Castro, who wrote a biography about their father, who died from alcoholism in 1983. But Judge Joao Wehbi Dib says the author's comments on Garrincha being a 'sex machine' and having a large ***** only emphasised his virility. He added: 'Having a big ***** is a reason for pride in this country. Size of ***** and sexual energy don't walk hand in hand, but Brazilians dream of both'."
Quotes of the week
"The Iranian team showed on Thursday that it is among the top teams in the world. Anyone who is not admitting this fact is either blind, doesn't know anything about football, or is trying to destroy us."
Iran coach Miroslav Blazevic (right, sounding awful like Mick McCarthy) after the 1-0 victory over the United Arab Emirates in the first leg of Asia's World Cup qualifying play-off.
"This is an act of malevolence by arrogant, self-indulgent clubs, particularly Arsenal. They have forgotten Australia is no longer a penal colony subservient to a decaying feudal empire."
Australian football chief Ian Holmes, as quoted by Football 365, on English clubs' objections to their Aussies being called up for the friendly against France.
"The midfield picks itself - Beckham, Scholes, Gerrard and AN Other."
Phil Neal - another Private Eye gem.
Spit on me, Dixie
love this: "Young women were known to make fanciful and exaggerated claims of undying love, engagement and even paternity after just one dance with the dashing, eligible and magnetic football personality."
Lee Carsley? John Hartson? Mikael Silvestre? No: Dixie Dean, as extracted by the London Evening Standard from John Keith's biography of the Everton legend (who scored goals for fun in the middle-ish part of the last century).
Football on TV
Today: Blackburn Rovers v Leicester City, Sky Sports 1, 8.0. Tomorrow: Liverpool v Borussia Dortmund, TV3, 7.45. Wednesday: Celtic v Juventus, TV3, 7.45; Lille v Manchester United, UTV, 7.45. Thursday: Helsingborg v Ipswich Town, BBC2, 7.45. Saturday: Leicester City v Sunderland, Sky Sports 1, 12.0. Sunday: Liverpool v Manchester United, Sky Sports 1, 11.30.
